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The Future of America

The Future of America

by | Oct 27, 2016 | Events, Mental Health, Parenting, Resources

It’s that time again… election season.

Election time politics means many things:

  • The media is full of candidates, debates and campaign ads.
  • Our social media feeds only consist of articles about why you should vote for him or her.
  • Adults are stressed and concerned about the future of our nation.
  • TV become extra nasty with debates and “approved messages”.

And where does this leave our teenagers? For many, they are finally old enough to be aware of what is happening, but they don’t have any power if they are under 18. For some, it is their first time to get to vote! They are excited, confused, and overwhelmed.

Teen Life exists to provide a safe place for teenagers to have difficult conversations.

What is more difficult than politics?

As a parent, teacher, counselor or mentor, you have an incredible opportunity to model for teenagers how to have difficult discussions in a safe environment. Take this time to have discussions and allow them to ask questions. They don’t have to agree with you, and you don’t need to lecture, but bring them along on this political journey so that they are prepared when it is their turn to vote.

Voting for the future President of the United States of America is important.

Educating and raising up a new generation of Americans is just as important. This election season, let’s take the time to consider teenagers. Talk to them about candidates, why you choose to vote, and how you make your voting decisions.

Here are a few steps to involve your teenager in the voting process:

Talk about the issues.

What policies are important to you? What beliefs do your family hold?

How do you feel about:

  • Abortion & Reproductive Rights

  • Gun Control & School Safety

  • Climate Change 

  • Social Media Regulation & Online Safety

  • Health Care & Mental Health Access

  • Immigration

  • LGBTQ+ Rights & Equality

  • College Affordability & Student Debt

These are just some of the important policies that could be affected by elections. The first step to educating your teenager should be to make sure they are aware of all sides. Present the facts, have a civil conversation, and allow them to ask questions and draw their own conclusions.

Consider the candidates.

Now that you have talked about the issues and policies, who should you vote for? Are you Republican, Democrat, Libertarian? Will you vote based on a candidate’s beliefs or likability?

If you haven’t already, go to vote411.org to see how your views line up with the current candidates. It is a great resource and way to talk about the candidates in a format that teenagers will find interesting. Many teenagers get political information from social media or short-form videos, so it is important that they do their own research to evaluate what is credible and what is not. 

Be prepared to vote.

Now you have discussed the issues and looked at all the candidates! But part of the voting process is making sure that you are ready to vote. Since every state has different requirements, look up your state voting information here.

Here are some things to consider before Election Day:

  • Are you registered to vote?
  • Do you need to submit an absentee ballot? (Check the deadline – it’s soon!)
  • Would you like to vote early?
  • Where do you go to vote? You can find that information here with your address.
  • Do you have a valid ID to vote?

Walk teenagers through this process so that they are prepared and informed for their opportunity to vote.

Let’s show this next generation of voters that they can have a voice. They can be calm and well-informed. They can have the impact of the future of our nation. Have you talked to your teenager about the election? How else can we involve them in this process? Share with us and share this post with a friend!

No matter their age or political leaning, teens can learn that being informed, kind, and engaged matters. Let’s help them see that their voice—now and in the future—counts.

Karlie Duke

Karlie Duke

Director of Communications

The Power of “Me Too”

The Power of “Me Too”

by | Oct 6, 2016 | Events, Mental Health, Parenting, Support Groups

Earlier this week, we held our 2nd annual Teen Lifeline Fundraising Dinner & Auction, and I am still blown away by the generosity and support that come from this night. One of my favorite parts of the night came when Beverly Ross spoke truth over the audience.

If you haven’t heard of Beverly Ross or Wise County Christian Counseling, I would encourage you to go check them out!

At this dinner, Beverly Ross challenged us by saying, “We need to teach our children that it’s not going to be okay. It’s going to be hard, but you’re never going to do it alone.”

Until she said this, I had never thought about the danger of saying, “It’s going to be okay!” When little kids are upset, we tell them it will be okay. When someone dies, we say that it will be okay eventually. In those teenage years, we talk about their future and that everything will be better – friends, parent relationships, school, drama, their purpose…the list could go on and on.

But can we guarantee that everything will be okay? That things will get better?

We cannot promise that their life will be perfect or happy or even “okay,” but we can promise the teenagers around us that when it gets hard, when life is less than okay, that they will have someone to walk with them. They are not alone. They don’t have to struggle by themselves.

This is the power of Teen Lifeline Support Groups! More than anything, they provide a safe place for teenagers to talk about things that are both okay and not okay. They give perspective and understanding for other people’s struggles. They make sure that every teen participating has at least one adult and a group of peers to do life with.

As Beverly said, there are few words more powerful than “me too!” In the midst of pain, heartache, struggles, questions and life in general, teenagers need to be surrounded by others who can say, “Me too!”

“Me too” implies understanding and acceptance.

Think back to your teenage years. Did you ever feel alone, different, lost? What would have happened if someone had looked you in the eye and said, “Me too.”

Let’s stop making empty promises to our children. Telling them that it’s going to be okay is not helpful for anyone when you can’t actually guarantee what their future is going to look like. What is helpful is giving them a chance to meet and be encouraged by others who understand what they are going through. No fixing is required. You don’t have to have all of the answers, but take the time to listen and respond with, “Me too.”

So, what do you think? How has the phrase, “Me too,” impacted your life? What can we say instead of, “It’s going to be okay?” Share your thoughts and stories with us!

Karlie Duke was in one of Teen Lifeline’s original support groups and now is our Communications Director. She is passionate about encouraging students to live better stories.
Helping When It Hurts

Helping When It Hurts

by | Jun 16, 2016 | Mental Health, Personal Development

I just got back from serving with LiveBeyond in Thomazeau, Haiti, where poverty, starvation, sickness and Satan can be seen at every corner. While I was still processing this level of hurt and pain, I came home to the injustice of the Orlando shooting.

Hurt has so many different faces.

Hurt looks like scrubbing a tiny Haitian head that is covered in ringworm. Hurt looks like hundreds of people mourning the loss of loved ones to gunshots. Hurt looks like students feeling unsafe at their schools because of bullies. Hurt looks like shoeless feet traveling miles to receive medical care. Hurt looks like a nation crying out after acts of hate and prejudice. Hurt looks like a teenager struggling after his parents go through a painful divorce.

Hurt can be overwhelming and sometimes it is easier to do nothing rather than wade into the unknown of pain. However, if there is anything that I have learned while in Haiti, it is that we cannot simply sit back and stay quiet. If not us, then who?

But where do we start? How can I help people that are miles, states or even nations away?

There isn’t an easy or fix-it-all answer, but hopefully these can provide a good starting place for how to help in the midst of hurt:

Focus on the person in front of you.

Are you far away from Orlando or Haiti? Unless you have time off and money for a plane ticket, that is probably not going to change, but you can love on that neighbor who is also struggling. Or you can tell a friend who feels targeted how sorry you are. You can take food to someone who has recently experienced loss, or volunteer with a local organization.

When there is a tragedy or when the hurt and pain is too overwhelming, start by loving the person directly in front of you. Don’t freeze. Don’t turn around and run. By focusing on one person at a time, you are making a difference in a manageable way! Once you have made that person in front of you feel loved and heard, move on to another person and do the same for them!

Find ways to encourage from afar.

Technology has made it incredibly easy to connect with people in other states, countries or continents! If you can’t stand in front of someone who is hurting, find ways to encourage them from where you are. Here are a few ideas of how to help from your own home:

  • Spend time in prayer for those that are hurting. For example, print off the names of those who died in Orlando – spend time specifically praying for their families by name.
  • Send letters, Facebook messages or care packages. Find those who are affected or maybe those who are living in areas where they are interacting with hurting people and encourage them with words and thoughtful gestures!
  • Support organizations who are helping those in need. Even if you only have $10 a month, you can partner with an organization and make a difference in the lives of those who are hurting.

Take up the cause of the oppressed.

“He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?” declares the Lord.

Jeremiah 22:16

Since I am a Christian, the message of this verse is very clear – if I want to know God, it is my job to defend the poor and needy.

If you are not motivated by Christianity or a sense of higher calling, you can still stand in the gap for those who have no one else to defend them or speak on their behalf.

This does not mean that you need to go on a 2,000 word Facebook rant to shame those who act out in hate, but instead think about how you can offer your thoughts, prayers and encouragement in a short, positive post. Maybe defending their cause means bringing hope and understanding into a conversation of condemnation.

For me, it means talking about the organizations and people I love (like Teen Lifeline & LiveBeyond) whenever possible. I can share the struggles and challenges of teenagers and the people of Haiti. I can bring awareness and recruit others to join their cause.

So, I am asking you to join me. Let’s not sit by and retreat in times of pain! Instead, let’s try to help in the midst of hurt. Do you have any other ideas of how to help in times of pain and hurt? We would love to hear them!

Karlie Duke was in one of Teen Lifeline’s original support groups and now is our Communications Director. She is passionate about encouraging students to live better stories.
The Importance of Breathing

The Importance of Breathing

by | May 26, 2016 | Personal Development

Breathing.

It’s so easy, so second nature that we rarely even think about doing it. Did you know that the average human being (hopefully that’s you) takes around 12-20 breaths per minute? That means that you take anywhere from 17,280 to 28,800 breaths every single day. Do you know how many of those breaths I think about on a given day? Maybe a handful.

I think about breathing…

  • When my allergies are terrible, and I can’t breathe through my nose.
  • Before I am jump in pool and need to hold my breath.
  • After my dog chews up a favorite pair of shoes, and I take 10 slow breaths before I try to give him away.
  • While I have the hiccups and hold my breath to make them stop.
  • When I am running (or let’s be real, walking) and can’t seem to catch my breath.

Breathing is one of the most important human functions and it’s the one that we probably think about the least. It is incredible that we are designed in a way that we don’t have to mentally think, “Breathe in, breathe out,” every time we need to take a breath.

However, I would argue that we need to think about taking a deep breath more often!

This week, the Teen Lifeline staff took two days to get away, take a deep breath and use it to refocus as we head into a busy few months. It is easy to run on auto-pilot and forget that taking deep, intentional breaths (both physically and emotionally) are necessary.

IMG_1122

For Teen Lifeline, this time away to catch our breath was invaluable. I could probably come up with 100 reasons why should should slow down every once in awhile and take a breather, but here are the top 3 reasons:

Taking a deep breath helps refocus.

Stop and take a moment to breathe in deeply. If you’re like me, this gives you an opportunity to stop thinking (even if just for a second) and gain clarity on what to do next. Take a few hours every few months to take a mental break from your every day routine. Think about what you have done in the last couple of months and what you can do to prepare for the future ones.

We all need to be refocused every now and then! Don’t continue to live, work, or play without thinking – take a mental deep breath to refocus in order to reach the goals and dreams you have planned.

 

Taking a deep breath brings perspective.

You know that feeling when you are in the middle of something big, scary and unknown? That feeling that the world is going to end and nothing is going right? Whether you are in the midst of a big decision, career change, or family crisis, taking a deep breath could be the first step to overcoming that difficult situation. Take a break from worrying, gain perspective by talking to someone you love and trust, or just take an afternoon to remember how faithful the Lord has been in the past.

In one of our Stay Calm, Don’t Panic! Podcast episodes, Dr. Michael Arnold said, “It’s when I’ve been the most still that i’ve been able to see all the amazing things God does heroically, miraculously in my life.” I love this quote! It perfectly sums up the effect that taking a deep breath and moment to be still can have on your perspective.

 

Taking a deep breath motivates you to keep going. 

When you feel like you can’t go on, when you’re exhausted and at the end of your rope, try stopping for a breath. Our Teen Lifeline retreat was the perfect opportunity to take a deep breath and gain the energy and motivation to continue helping teenagers. Sometimes more than a single breath is needed to keep going – maybe you need an hour or a whole day to relax and do some mental and emotional breathing.

When your kids are messier and crazier than ever, take a day to get a pedicure or massage. When your job is too demanding, go on a bike ride or take a quick nap in your car. When you are in a busy season of life and have no time to spare, choose to take lunch with someone who will encourage and uplift you (everyone has to eat, right?)

By taking the time for a short break and a deep breath, you will actually come back to your kids, job, or busy schedule more motivated and ready to work. It will make you a better parent, employee and an all-around happier person if you schedule some breathing time into your life.

 

Do you need to take a breather? Have you discovered any great ways to refocus, gain perfective or find motivation? If so, let us know! We’d love to learn more ways to take a deep breath!

Karlie Duke was in one of Teen Lifeline’s original support groups and now is our Communications Director. She is passionate about encouraging students to live better stories.
You Said WHAT?! – A Guide to Teen Talk

You Said WHAT?! – A Guide to Teen Talk

by | May 5, 2016 | Parenting, Resources

When you hang out with teenagers every week who tend to push the boundaries and find themselves in trouble at school, you have learn some new vocabulary pretty quickly! This is the position I find myself in…often.

I cannot tell you how many times I have sat in a group, dumbfounded and confused, while the entire room laughs at a word or phrase I don’t know. Teenagers can sometimes have a different language. They talk in lots of letters and seemingly innocent phrases can mean something else entirely!

So what can we do? How do we keep up? What do these words even mean?!

If you spend any time with teenagers, you should find these principles helpful (and stick around for our teen term guide at the bottom):

Pay attention

This one seems self-explanatory, I know! But if you aren’t paying attention to what your teen is saying, the words they are speaking to their friends or the phrases they use in text messages and on social media, you won’t know where to start. Pay attention to what they, and their close friends, are saying – especially if you hear something that doesn’t make sense (i.e. a bunch of letters like wtf or bae).

Take note of what you don’t understand and follow-up on it! They often think that they are getting away with something by using code, so turn the tables on them and start listening and asking questions!

 

Ask them for clarification

After you have paid attention and hear a word that you don’t know, ask them about it. It could be possible that they don’t even really understand what it means and just hear it at school, or they might start acting funny and you’ll know you’re on to something!

If you hear something you are concerned about, don’t be afraid to confront that teenager and let them know that you are listening to what they are saying and care enough to start a conversation about it. But keep in mind, this should be a conversation – ask for clarification and then sit back and let them respond.

 

Google it

This tends to be my go-to, especially when I don’t want them to know that I have no idea what they’re talking about…

(Don’t tell my secret), but in times like these, I pretend like I know what these words and phrases mean. It’s not hard to figure out that they aren’t talking about monkey bars when they say they were doing “bars” and the rest of the group either laughs or looks quickly at me to check my reaction. At the time, I had no idea what bars were, but I pretended I did, shut down the conversation and went home to safely Google-it myself.

 

At Teen Lifeline, we firmly believe in being present and active in teenagers’ lives. This may mean asking awkward questions or having uncomfortable conversations when you figure out what they are actually talking about. But it is worth it! Show that you have some street-cred and keep up to date with the newest phrases and coolest terms.

 

Here’s a good starting point if you have no idea what to listen for:

(*Disclaimer: This blog post is not meant to make you paranoid or cause you to grill your teenager as soon as they get home. Not every teenager even knows what these words mean – please don’t assume the worst! Instead of panicking, pay attention and keep the door open for positive conversations!)

Teen Lifeline Dictionary

Term MeaningExample(s)
Netflix & ChillThis is not just hanging out and watching movies - this means "hooking up" or having sex. Wanna go Netflix and chill?
BaeBefore anyone else; baby; sweetieRyan Gosling is bae.
I love you so much bae!
Hooking upCould mean literally anything - kissing, making out, sex - ask what their definition is!Did you hear that they have been hooking up?
GOATGreatest Of All Time.Tony Romo is the G.O.A.T!
Those shoes are G.O.A.T.
LitIncredibly awesome; or extremely intoxicated. This song is lit!
Last night, I got lit.
DMDirect Message - private messaging on Twitter or InstagramCan't talk now, DM me.
He slid in my DM.
Molly Drug called MDMA or ecstasy She took a Molly last night.
WTFPronounced "W-T-F," meaning "What the f***?!"WTF is wrong with you?!
GoalsWhen something is attractive or it's something you aspire to. Ben & Lauren are relationship goals.
Your hair is goals!
AFPronounced "af," meaning "As f***"I'm hungry af.
That class was boring af.
She is annoying af.
PAW or PIRParents Are Watching or Parents In Room - if you see an acronym starting with 'P' ask questions!Let's talk later PAW/PIR
VShort for "very."I'm v tired.
Dinner was v good!

Are there any other words or phrases you’re curious about? Do you have any suggestions for how to start this conversation? Share with us!

Karlie Duke was in one of Teen Lifeline’s original support groups and now is our Communications Director. She is passionate about encouraging students to live better stories.