How to Talk about Teen Dating Violence

How to Talk about Teen Dating Violence

What do you know about teen dating violence?

Teen dating violence (TDV) is a serious issue that affects millions of young people and deserves our attention, empathy, and action. February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month and serves as a critical reminder of the impact of abuse and the importance of healthy relationships.

Teen dating violence refers to physical, emotional, sexual, or psychological abuse in a dating relationship. It can happen to anyone, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, or background.

This type of abuse is often unnoticed as it is associated with “normal” relationship struggles, making it harder to recognize and address.

The statistics surrounding teen dating violence are daunting.

According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, nearly 1 in 3 adolescents in the U.S. will experience some form of physical, emotional, or sexual abuse in a dating relationship before they reach adulthood.

Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month was established in 2010 by Congress as a means of bringing awareness to this pressing issue and stopping violence before it starts.

Lamar High School, a Teen Life campus in Arlington ISD, recognized that many of their students did not have an understanding of what makes a relationship healthy or unhealthy.

In an effort to spread awareness and show students that they deserve to be in a healthy relationship, they started Teen Dating Violence Awareness Week. Stephanie Jurgens, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Arlington ISD, shared more about the efforts at Lamar and painted a picture of what the week looks like.

One of the biggest impacts we see from this week of awareness is how students use the information they learn to help someone they know in an unhealthy relationship. Many of them will come talk to me after learning more to try to get help for a friend or someone in an unhealthy relationship might seek help. Making this a topic that is discussed openly has led to many students (and staff) feeling that they have a voice to speak about their own experience.

Stephanie Jurgens

It’s vital to educate teens about healthy relationships and the signs of unhealthy relationships.

I think students are often not aware of what makes a relationship unhealthy,” said Stephanie. “When we talk about things like the partner wanting your passwords, getting upset about you liking someone’s social media post, following your whereabouts and questioning this or getting mad about this, you can see the lightbulbs going off. They often see this as what is normal for a relationship and not this being unhealthy. Once you start talking about the different types of abuse, they really begin to notice this in their own and other’s relationships.
Stephanie Jurgens

Creating a safe space where open conversation can happen- whether with a parent, coach, teacher, or counselor- can encourage teens to come forward and reach out for help if they are experiencing abuse.

One of the things we stress to students is to talk with a trusted adult and we give them specific people on campus they can talk with. It is common for people to not tell anyone when they are in an unhealthy relationship and we encourage them to speak up for themselves and others.

We had a guest speaker a few years ago who spoke about their personal experience. Afterward, a young male student came to talk with the guest speaker, Cindy, and me about a relative being in an unhealthy relationship with her boyfriend. He was really worried for this person and we were able to give him some pointers on talking with the relative and some resources/hotlines the relative could call.

Stephanie Jurgens

It is important to know the resources available and how to get help.

National hotlines, online chat services, and local organizations are invaluable resources that offer confidential support.

Stephanie said that her favorite resource is Loveisrespect.org. They have hotline numbers you can call or text as well as quizzes that students can take for free to see if their relationship is healthy or unhealthy.

Her school also gives out local resources such as Safe Haven and the local police department.

The goal of Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month isn’t just to raise awareness but to inspire action.

By teaching teens about healthy relationships and offering them the resources and support they need, we can help break the cycle of violence.

The ultimate goal is to create a culture where abusive behaviors are not tolerated and where every teen can experience love and respect in their relationships.

If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, there are resources available to help.

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE or thehotline.org
Loveisrespect.org: Text “LOVEIS” to 22522 or visit the website for resources.
Lara Precure
Lara Precure

Volunteer Coordinator

More Resources You Might Like

Palworld + Teen Dating Advice + Deepfakes
Podcast Ep. 73: Dating Violence & Instagram Reels
Carrie Gurley Talks Dating Violence

Ep. 26: Dating & Suicide Terms

Ep. 26: Dating & Suicide Terms

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What should you do when your teen starts dating?

We’ve got some food for thought on how to help teens make responsible choices without overstepping. Also in episode 26, we take a look at teen dating, suicide terms, and upcoming movies and shows to watch with your teen.

In this episode, we mentioned the following resources:

Have a question?

If you have a question about something you heard or just want to give us some feedback, please leave us a comment below or email podcast@teenlife.ngo.  We would love to hear from you!

Karlie Duke
Karlie Duke

Communications Director

Chris Robey
Chris Robey

Former CEO

Ep. 4: Dating Relationships & Streaming Services

Ep. 4: Dating Relationships & Streaming Services

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Dating relationships for teenagers today are very different than they were for millennials and Gen Xers.

On episode 4 of the Teen Life Podcast, Chris and Karlie talk current teen dating lingo and habits, so you can know what to talk about and when to ask questions. Also, get ideas for what to watch as a family and what to look out for on popular streaming services. You won’t want to miss this week’s tip on how to start conversations with your teen about race.

In this episode, we mentioned the following resources:

Teen terms to note:

  • Ghosting: To suddenly stop communicating with a person (without explanation)
  • Zombieing: To randomly text or call after ghosting someone
  • Talking: To be interested in each other, but not officially dating
  • Sexting: To exchange texts and usually photos of a sexual nature
  • Hooking Up: Used for anything from kissing to sex
  • Netflix & Chill: Used as a front for inviting someone over to make out (or maybe more)
  • DTR: Define the Relationship

Movies to watch together that discuss race or diversify your content:

Have a question?

If you have a question about something you heard or just want to give us some feedback, please leave us a comment below.  We would love to hear from you!

Karlie Duke
Karlie Duke

Communications Director

Chris Robey
Chris Robey

Former CEO

ACEs

ACEs

ACE –

Does that mean anything to you? For some it might conjure up the lyrics of an old George Straight song that says, “You’ve got to have an ace in the hole.” For others it brings images of poker games and winning hands. For others, names of all-star professional baseball pitchers. For others, the experience of serving in tennis and never getting a volley back. Maybe for you, it’s the terminology for someone who is always seemingly ahead – “He’s holding all the aces.”

But how many of you saw ACE and thought about difficult childhood experiences? I’m guessing not very many of you. This past week I had the opportunity to sit in a training which discussed trauma informed care. As part of that discussion, the ACEs were mentioned.

So, what are the ACEs?

ACEs in this context stands for Adverse Childhood Experiences. These are experiences that occur before the age of 18 that have a dramatic impact on how we live, function, and make decisions as an adult. The CDC-Kaiser Permanente Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study began in the mid-1990s and continued through 2015 and has consistently shown the impact of childhood experiences on adult functioning. Let’s take a minute to look at what was studied and the major findings.

The ACE Study looked at the occurrence of 10 major childhood experiences, which are typically divided into 3 main categories.

Source: https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2015/03/02/387007941/take-the-ace-quiz-and-learn-what-it-does-and-doesnt-mean

 

What It Said 

According to the CDC, Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) are common. So common that almost 2/3 of participants reported at least one ACE, and more than 20% reported three or more ACEs. – Pause for a minute – that is statistically the majority of people that you meet every day. That is 1 in 5 who have had multiple significant experiences – most of which we don’t like to talk about.

So what does that mean? Per the CDC, as the number of ACEs increases, so does likelihood of the risk for the following:

  • Alcoholism and alcohol abuse
  • Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease
  • Depression
  • Health-related quality of life
  • Illicit drug use
  • Heart disease
  • Liver disease
  • Poor work performance
  • Financial stress
  • Risk for intimate partner violence
  • Multiple sexual partners
  • Sexually transmitted diseases
  • Smoking
  • Suicide attempts
  • Unintended pregnancies
  • Early initiation of smoking
  • Early initiation of sexual activity
  • Adolescent pregnancy
  • Risk for sexual violence
  • Poor academic achievement

 

It covers it all – health problems, increased risky behaviors and a decreased life potential. It also leads to an increase likelihood of premature death.

Look at the list above again and let’s talk about students – especially high school students. Often, we as parents, youth workers, teachers, and Teen Life Facilitators spend a great deal of time talking about poor grades, teenage pregnancy, suicide attempts, self-injury behaviors, depression, anxiety, drug and alcohol use/abuse. But do we stop to take the time to think about what experiences might have contributed to these decisions? When we are feeling frustrated, do we see the behavior as defiance or a coping skill?

So now that we know what the ACEs are and what the research shows, what in the world do we do?

Build relationships.

According to Dr. Karyn Purvis, “The child with a history of loss, trauma, or abuse has no hope of healing without a nurturing relationship.” The presence of safe, stable, and nurturing relationships can greatly increase resiliency among children and youth who have experienced multiple ACEs.

Are you willing to look past the hard choices, to look past the mistakes, in order to see the experiences that have impacted the students in our lives? And when you do, are you willing to stick it out to connect and empower youth to overcome?

 

***For More Information about The CDC ACE Study can be found here and here. More information about the ACEs in general can be found here. More information about Dr. Karyn Purvis and her Trust Based Relational Intervention can be found here.

Beth Nichols is Teen Life’s Program Director. With her background in social work and experience as a mom of 4, her perspective is invaluable.
Carrie Gurley Talks Dating Violence

Carrie Gurley Talks Dating Violence

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YouTube

What can we do about dating violence?

Dating violence is something we often hear about but don’t know what to do. Surely I don’t know a teenager in an abusive relationship! In this episode, Carrie Gurley defines dating violence and gives tips for how we can become more educated and better prepared to walk teenagers through difficult relationships. Aren’t sure where to start with dating violence? Don’t panic!

Never underestimate the influence you can have in a teen’s life just because you care!

In this episode, you’ll find out…

  • What dating violence is and how it is seen among teenagers.
  • Ways to teenagers can be protected from abusive relationships.
  • Some ways to support a teen who is in a violent relationship.
  • Warning signs that a teenager might be in an unhealthy relationship.
  • Long term consequences because of dating violence.

Ask yourself…

  • Have I noticed any concerning changes in the behavior of a teen?
  • Am I willing to listen without judgment?

Go ask a teen…

  • What boundaries have you put on your relationship? How is that going?
  • Does your school talk about dating violence?
  • What would you do if your best friend was in a violent relationship?

Have a question?

If you have a question about something you heard or just want to give us some feedback, please leave us a comment below.  We would love to hear from you!
Karlie Duke
Karlie Duke

Communications Director

Chris Robey
Chris Robey

Former CEO

Carrie Gurley

Carrie Gurley

Special Guest