5 Ways to Combat The Self-Esteem Issue

5 Ways to Combat The Self-Esteem Issue

If you’ve been listening to the Teen Life Podcast this summer, then you know that I had a heartbreaking encounter with a group of middle school girls earlier this year.

When I asked, “How good do you feel about yourself?”, I was met with overwhelmingly negative responses. I listened as each girl told me stories about how their self-esteem had been damaged by hurtful words, unmet expectations, or unfair comparisons.

I’ll be honest. It is rare to get a group of 13 teenagers to completely agree, but when it came to self-esteem and body image, they were all on the same page.

When I did some research, I found that body image issues can start as young as the age of three. This makes me incredibly sad as someone who loves teenagers and is also parenting toddlers.

But is there anything we can do to help? We know that self-esteem and body image is impacted by so many factors. To name a few, a teenager’s view of themself can be framed by family, culture, social media, television or movies, ads, and comparison to others.

While I don’t believe that there is an easy fix, we MUST take more of an active role in combatting this self-esteem issue. Here are some tips that I think would be a great place to start!

Change the way we talk about eating and exercise.
Let’s normalize talking about eating healthy and getting stronger instead of dieting and losing weight. Teenagers often come across ads and media that talk about the pill that will help you drop 30 pounds, or the workout program that will help you get your summer body, or the detox smoothie that will get rid of bloating. Our teenagers are constantly told that they have to eat or move a certain way to improve the way they look.

But what if we taught our kids to eat balanced and get moving to simply feel good? What if we encouraged them to listen to what their bodies need instead of pushing a “clean plate” or “restrictive eating” mentality?

This summer, I challenge you to invite your teenagers into food and exercise conversations. Educate them on healthy and appropriate choices. Cook together and eat a variety of foods – sweets, vegetables, fruit, pizza, and everything in between!

Take the focus off appearance.
It is easy (and honestly, sometimes lazy) to give compliments on outside appearances.

“I love your hair!” “That’s a cute dress!” “Have you been working out?” “You look great!”

A stranger could come up with one of those statements! That is why it is so important to praise characteristics that have nothing to do with appearance. We need teenagers to know that they are more than how they look on the outside.

I want you to look for one way to praise your teenagers every day for a week. No cheating – make sure you are praising an internal characteristic they possess! It could be their bravery, kindness, humor, resiliency, generosity, or joy. Make them feel seen and loved, no matter how they look!

Consider a social media feed detox.
The Dove Self-Esteem Project recently found that 1 in 2 girls say idealized beauty content on social media causes low self-esteem. That is 50%!!

We all know that our teens spend a significant amount of time on social media every day. I would encourage you to watch this short film from Dove on the Toxic Influence of social media. They also have another short video guide to Detox Your Feed.

Look at the social media feeds of your teens. Have conversations about what they are seeing and if they think it is making them feel better or worse about themselves. So much of what we see on social media is filtered, photoshopped, and fake. Make sure teens know that they are comparing themselves to unrealistic (and often toxic) goals.

After you have gone through their feed together, come up with a plan for who they should consider unfollowing, muting, or blocking. The accounts they engage with the most will shape what they see more of, especially for apps like TikTok!

Practice what you preach.
When I was sitting in that group of middle school girls, it was really easy to be shocked by how they were talking about themselves, but don’t I do the same thing? If we want teenagers to change the way they think and talk about themselves, we have to be willing to do that hard work as well.

Pay attention to the way you talk about yourself and your relationship with your body. Focus on desiring more energy instead of just trying to fit into a smaller pair of jeans. Or put on that swimsuit and get in the pool. Take pictures and post them without adding a whole bunch of filters!

If we want our teenagers to stop comparing themselves and become less self-conscious, we need to lead the way!

Employ positive self-talk.
Along those lines, we all need to use better self-talk and encourage our teens to do the same. Maybe this could look like talking to yourself out loud around your teen or walking them through your thinking process.

It could look like this: “I am thinking about changing because I don’t love the way my arms look in this shirt. But I actually think I look really good in this outfit! I especially love the color, so I am going to rock this today!”

This also might look like confronting teens when you hear them talk negatively about themselves. Don’t dismiss their negativity, but take the time to have a conversation about what they are thinking and feeling! Not only does this interrupt that thought process for them, but it also shows that you see them and care.

Do you think these tips would help you or your teen? Self-esteem is vital for our teens to thrive and appreciate themselves for who they are – no changes needed! Sign me up for a world full of confident and brave teenagers!

Karlie Duke

Karlie Duke

Director of Communications

Karlie was in one of Teen Life’s original support groups and now is passionate about encouraging students to live better stories. She has gained experience working with teenagers through work, volunteer, and personal opportunities.
Ep. 63: Talking with Teens about Stress

Ep. 63: Talking with Teens about Stress

 Listen & Subscribe

 

Summary:
Summer is a great time to start conversations with your teen! Use the extra time with them while they are home to get curious and ask open-ended questions.

To help, we’ve designed this series to be a quick, fun way to get everyone talking. Listen together with your teen, or by yourself. You might be surprised at how willing teenagers are to talk when they get started!

In episode 63, Karlie and Tobin talk about some of the most common stressors we hear in Support Groups and how to help teens identify healthy stress management techniques.

Question:

How much stress do you have in your life?

Talk through these with your teen after this podcast ends!

  • What causes you the most stress?
  • How are you currently handling the stress in your life?
  • How have you handled stress in a way that was helpful before?
  • What can you do to manage stress now and in the future?
  • How can I help?
Have a question? If you have a question about something you heard or just want to give us some feedback, please leave us a comment below.  We would love to hear from you!
About Us:
Karlie Duke

Karlie Duke

Director of Communications

Karlie was in one of Teen Life’s original support groups and has always had a heart for teenagers and the vulnerable life stage they are in. She has a wealth of experience to share from working with teens in ministry and leading support groups.

Tobin Hodges

Tobin Hodges

Program Director

Tobin graduated with a Bachelors of Music from Texas Tech University. A teacher’s kid twice over, he taught for 13 years before coming to Teen Life. His entire career has been centered around helping students and teens from all walks of life become the best version of themselves

Follow Us

Ep. 61: Talking with Teens about Self-Esteem

Ep. 61: Talking with Teens about Self-Esteem

 Listen & Subscribe

 

Summer is a great time to start conversations with your teen! Use the extra time with them while they are home to get curious and ask open-ended questions.

To help, we’ve designed this series to be a quick, fun way to get everyone talking. Listen together with your teen, or by yourself. You might be surprised at how willing teenagers are to talk when they get started!

In episode 61, Karlie shares about one particular group that shows the state of self-esteem in today’s teens, and Chris and Karlie discuss positive self-talk.

Question:

How good do you feel about yourself?

Talk through these with your teen after this podcast ends!

  • When do you feel the best about yourself? What are you doing? Who are you around?
  • How do you think social media impacts your self-esteem?
  • What can you do to feel better about yourself?

In this episode, we mentioned or used the following resources:

Have a question? If you have a question about something you heard or just want to give us some feedback, please leave us a comment below.  We would love to hear from you!
About Us:
Chris Robey

Chris Robey

CEO

Chris has worked with teens from a variety of backgrounds for over a decade. He has a desire to help teenagers make good choices while also giving their families tools to communicate more effectively as choices are made.

Karlie Duke

Karlie Duke

Director of Communications

Karlie was in one of Teen Life’s original support groups and has always had a heart for teenagers and the vulnerable life stage they are in. She has a wealth of experience to share from working with teens in ministry and leading support groups.

Follow Us

Navigating Your Teen Through the Summer

Navigating Your Teen Through the Summer

In some ways, it feels like I’ve just entered the parenting teens phase and in others, it feels like this is just the norm now and I’m in trouble. I say all of this to say that I, like you, am still learning and don’t have all the answers. But one thing I’m learning early on is that it is HARD parenting a teen when they are out of school. So whether you have summers off like your teen or you still work endless hours, here are some tips on how to actively keep your teen engaged over the summer.

Structured Time is Still Very Helpful and Might Be Necessary
Summer can bring a lot of free time which can be good for your teen but just remember that 80% of the year they are in a very structured environment. Going quickly to a loose environment can cause more stress than they probably even imagine.

Have an easy schedule that they could follow to give their day purpose. If I didn’t do this for my son, he would literally be on his video games for a solid 8 hours. Have some activities that give the day purpose like reading for pleasure, a summer project, learning a new skill, and some chores to help gain some ownership of their space.

Monitor Their Social Life and Calendar
Another thing summer brings is a lot of free time to hang out with friends. This is great! Let your teen take advantage of being with their friends when it’s not sandwiched between 5 minute walks to class and a quick lunch table chat.

If your teen struggles with putting themselves out there socially, encourage them to reach out or even set up a time they could have time with their friends at your house, a park, or any fun things around your town. It is important for your teen to stay socially active in a time when it would be easy for them to lose important friends and connections.

Encourage Them to Get a Job
This was never something I had to worry about in my teen years. I have had a job since I was 14 because it was something I needed to do for myself and my family. Jobs are a great way for teens to have a purpose during their less structured summer. Another benefit of them having a job is they now have their own income. You can decide what works for your family and how they can contribute to their own needs but this is a great way to start working on financial literacy and responsibility before they go off to college/trade school/adult life.

If they aren’t ready or can’t get a job another option is to find a place to serve in the community. Doing service projects can introduce teens to new areas of interest, foster a sense of belonging and connection, and support problem-solving skills.

Sleep!
Usually, the summer is the time you don’t have to set an alarm, have an agenda, or worry about how you react during the next day. So typically this could lead to late-night activities and sleeping away the next day. In reality, teens should be using the summer to create healthy sleeping habits for themselves. Make sure you set the boundaries with your teen on what a healthy sleep schedule looks like for them.

Most importantly, just remember that changes in schedules and routines are when teens can find themselves least connected to what they need. Keep that in mind as we navigate through the summer. When all else fails, just do what you know is best for your teen and in case no one has told you today:

You are doing a GREAT JOB and your teen is lucky to have you!

Tobin Hodges

Tobin Hodges

Program Director

Tobin graduated with a Bachelors of Music from Texas Tech University. A teacher’s kid twice over, he taught for 13 years before coming to Teen Life. His entire career has been centered around helping students and teens from all walks of life become the best version of themselves.

Ep. 58: Talking With Teens About Connection

Ep. 58: Talking With Teens About Connection

 Listen & Subscribe

 

Summary:
Summer is a great time to start conversations with your teen! Use the extra time with them while they are home to get curious and ask open-ended questions.

To help, we’ve designed this series to be a quick, fun way to get everyone talking. Listen together with your teen, or by yourself. You might be surprised at how willing teenagers are to talk when they get started!

In episode 58, Chris and Karlie discuss social connections and how to talk with teens about how connected they feel.

Question:
How close do you feel to other people?

Talk through these with your teen after this podcast ends!

  • Who do you feel close to?
  • What could you do to feel closer to the people in your life?
  • What can I do to better connect with you?
Have a question? If you have a question about something you heard or just want to give us some feedback, please leave us a comment below.  We would love to hear from you!
About Us:
Chris Robey

Chris Robey

CEO

Chris has worked with teens from a variety of backgrounds for over a decade. He has a desire to help teenagers make good choices while also giving their families tools to communicate more effectively as choices are made.

Karlie Duke

Karlie Duke

Director of Communications

Karlie was in one of Teen Life’s original support groups and has always had a heart for teenagers and the vulnerable life stage they are in. She has a wealth of experience to share from working with teens in ministry and leading support groups.

Follow Us