Karlie Duke

Spreading Christmas Cheer

by Karlie Duke | Dec 8, 2016 | Holidays, Mental Health, Parenting

Christmas is one of my very favorite times of the year. I love the movies, the music and all the fun decorations that come with this season. It is a time of year that is filled with joy and laughter. It’s when teenagers get a break from school and college students finally get to come home for more than a long weekend. For my family, it means watching White Christmas, decorating the tree as a family and reading The Polar Express. It truly is (in my opinion) the most wonderful time of the year!

Hopefully you read our blog around Thanksgiving about Promoting Thankfulness, but I would like to think of this as a follow up piece for the next holiday! While it is important to make teenagers a part of the Thanksgiving season, it is just as important to give them a place and purpose during Christmas-time.

So how can we involve our teenagers? How can we help them give back on limited budgets and limited attention spans? Instead of getting frustrated when they don’t jump up to contribute, let’s get creative and come up with ways to involve our younger friends.

Let them pick the presents.

Do you typically buy presents for your spouse or other children and say it’s from your teenager? Instead of just putting their name on the gift tag, involve your teenager in the present picking process. Ask them, “What do you think dad would like this year?” Whether you give them a budget and let them buy the present or just ask for their input, it makes them more invested in the giving part of the holiday.

You have a great opportunity to start training your teenager on how to pick out thoughtful gifts. Their wife or husband will thank you one day for the groundwork you are laying by involving them in this one simple thing.

Do a gift exchange.

If your teenager has a limited budget and can’t afford gifts for the whole family, do a gift exchange. Maybe make this a Christmas Eve tradition! Have each family member draw a name and pick out a present for that person. It would also be a good idea to set a budget for everyone (ex. only presents that are under $20). This gives them the opportunity to pick out a special gift for at least one person each year and the fun part is that it changes each year you do it!

Another similar idea would be to do a Secret Santa leading up to Christmas. Have each family member draw a name on December 1st and ask them to surprise their person with at least 3 little gifts before Christmas. These could be simple gifts like a favorite sonic drink, a small basket of candy, a $5 gift card to their favorite fast food restaurant, or a pair of super comfy socks! The mystery and fun of picking out surprises is a small way to get them involved. For either of these options, try this site to pick the names!

Give gifts from the heart.

Make a tradition of doing at least one present that doesn’t cost any money but is just as thoughtful. Encourage everyone to make a gift, or give something that takes time instead of money. Here are a few ideas for teenagers:

Chore card – offer to do one chore that is usually done by someone else for a week.
Create a CD or playlist full of songs you think that person will love
Decorate a journal and write notes or encouragement
Date night – offer to watch the other kids so your parents can go out
TV control card – let another person pick the movie or tv show for 5 nights of their choosing

Even if it doesn’t cost money, the thought that they put into these presents will make them even more valuable.

Come up with a new tradition.

Finally, ask your teenager to give up time instead of money. If you already have too many Christmas traditions, maybe you should skip this idea, or you could swap a tradition instead. I would suggest that you have your teenager come up with a tradition. Not only will it then be something that they will be more inclined to do, but when they complain about having other plans or not wanting to be home that night, you can remind them that it was their idea!

I love Christmas traditions, but they often come from traditions your family had when you were little or things that you decided on before you even had kids. Let your teenagers take ownership of this holiday and ask what they want to do! Do they want to watch a certain movie every year? Or look at Christmas lights? Or have breakfast for dinner and hot chocolate? Make it fun and something they want to do!

Do you think your teenager will like any of these ideas? What other ways do you get your kids involved in the holiday season? Please share them with us below!

Karlie Duke was in one of Teen Life’s original support groups and now is our Communications Director. She is passionate about encouraging students to live better stories.

Promoting Thankfulness

by Karlie Duke | Nov 17, 2016 | Mental Health, Personal Development

November is one of the only times of year that is set aside for everyone to be thankful.

We are thankful for food, family, and football.

But especially right now, many people seem to be struggling with thankfulness. Maybe they aren’t thankful for our President Elect, their job situation, the fact that Texas doesn’t have a real Fall…the list could go on and on. But teenagers and our kids are watching us! If we aren’t thankful, why should they be?

This holiday season, let’s be intentional about our thankfulness. Maybe this year, we need to step up our game and make it more than a just a Thanksgiving Day deal. Being thankful can be an everyday thing! In fact, there are several ways that thankfulness and gratitude can positively affect your quality of life!

Here are a few ideas to promote thankfulness in your family and make it special for teenagers this holiday season:

Include them in the Thanksgiving preparations.

Thanksgiving is a holiday that takes a lot of hard work, cooking and preparation. When you’re a little kid, it’s awesome because you get to sleep in, watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, and be served food followed by pie. However, it is time for us to get our children, and especially teenagers, involved in the day.

If you’re like me, I am even more thankful for things when I know how much work and effort went into making it happen. Plus, this is a family holiday! Take advantage of that family time by passing on family recipes and traditions in the kitchen!

Have them help with the turkey
Teach them how to make grandma’s famous pie
Ask them to set the table and encourage them to get creative with the decorations
Have them make their favorite side dish

There are easy ways to get teenagers involved in making Thanksgiving dinner a success!

Create a thankfulness activity.

Be intentional about the way your family talks about thankfulness. A great way to do that is to create a family activity that everyone can participate in.

Maybe you get a paper or cheap fabric tablecloth that your family can use for the month of November. Every time your family sits down to eat together, have everyone write something that they are thankful for on the tablecloth. This is fun to see what you have been thankful for over a short period of time, and you can even keep the tablecloth for the next year!

Another idea is to create a thankfulness tree. This is a great excuse to put up your Christmas tree a few weeks early, or you could have a separate, smaller tree just for thankful words. Each day, have your family (or each member of the family if you are really thankful) decide on something you are thankful for and write it on an ornament. Decorate your tree with things you are thankful for before you fill it with presents!

Perhaps your thankfulness activity is something as simple as asking each family member to pick something they are thankful for and share it every night before bed. It does not have to be elaborate for it to be meaningful!

Give back to others in need.

Sometimes it is easier to be thankful for what we do have when we serve people who have less than us. Growing up, service was a big part of what my family did together. We went on mission trips, adopted families at Christmas time and served the homeless on different occasions. These are opportunities for you to not only talk about your own blessings, but to also create family memories that will have a lasting impact.

If you are looking for a way to serve this holiday season, here are some ideas:

Go shopping for canned goods and help your local food pantry stock their shelves. Ask if they need any help!
Serve a meal at a soup kitchen or homeless shelter.
Request a M.A.G.I. box and fill it with goodies for a child in need.
Go through your closet and donate your old coats and sweaters.
Surprise a family by paying their grocery bill or pay for the person behind you in the drive-thru of your favorite restaurant.

Whatever you decide to do, serve as a family and take advantage of the conversations that can come out of this experience!

Are you willing to try any of these things to promote thankfulness? What other ideas have you used to make the holiday season extra special?

Karlie Duke was in one of Teen Life’s original support groups and now is our Communications Director. She is passionate about encouraging students to live better stories.

The Future of America

by Karlie Duke | Oct 27, 2016 | Events, Mental Health, Parenting, Resources

It’s that time again… election season.

Election time politics means many things:

The media is full of candidates, debates and campaign ads.
Our Facebook feeds only consist of articles about why you should vote for him or her.
Adults are stressed and concerned about the future of our nation.
TV become extra nasty with debates and “approved messages”.

And where does this leave our teenagers? For many, they are finally old enough to be aware of what is happening, but they don’t have any power if they are under 18. For some, it is their first time to get to vote! They are excited, confused, and overwhelmed.

Teen Life exists to provide a safe place for teenagers to have difficult conversations.

What is more difficult than politics?

As a parent, teacher, counselor or mentor, you have an incredible opportunity to model for teenagers how to have difficult discussions in a safe environment. Take this time to have discussions and allow them to ask questions. They don’t have to agree with you, and you don’t need to lecture, but bring them along on this political journey so that they are prepared when it is their turn to vote.

Voting for the future President of the United States of America is important.

Educating and raising up a new generation of Americans is just as important. This election season, let’s take the time to consider teenagers. Talk to them about candidates, why you choose to vote, and who you choose to vote for.

Here are a few steps to involve your teenager in the voting process:

Talk about the issues.

What policies are important to you? What beliefs do your family hold?

How do you feel about:

Abortion
Equal Pay
Gun Control
Same Sex Marriage
Obamacare
National Debt
Marijuana Legalization
Syrian Refugees
Nuclear Energy

These are just some of the important policies that could be affected by this election. The first step to educating your teenager should be to make sure they are aware of all sides. Present the facts, have a civil conversation, and allow them to ask questions and draw their own conclusions.

Consider the candidates.

Now that you have talked about the issues and policies, who should you vote for? Are you Republican, Democrat, Libertarian? Will you vote based on a candidate’s beliefs or likability?

If you haven’t already, go to isidewith.com to see how your views line up with the current candidates. Take this quiz with your teenager and then let them take it themselves. It is a great resource and way to talk about the candidates in a format that teenagers will find interesting. Instead of pulling out charts and news articles, let them actively be involved in their choice.

Be prepared to vote.

Now you have discussed the issues and looked at all the candidates! But part of the voting process is making sure that you are ready to vote. Since every state has different requirements, look up your state voting information here.

Here are some things to consider before November 8th:

Are you registered to vote?
Do you need to submit an absentee ballot? (Check the deadline – it’s soon!)
Would you like to vote early?
Where do you go to vote? You can find that information here with your address.
Do you have a valid ID to vote?

Walk teenagers through this process so that they are prepared and informed for their opportunity to vote.

Let’s show this next generation of voters that they can have a voice. They can be calm and well-informed. They can have the impact of the future of our nation. Have you talked to your teenager about the election? How else can we involve them in this process? Share with us and share this post with a friend!

Director of Communications

The Power of “Me Too”

by Karlie Duke | Oct 6, 2016 | Events, Mental Health, Parenting, Support Groups

Earlier this week, we held our 2nd annual Teen Lifeline Fundraising Dinner & Auction, and I am still blown away by the generosity and support that come from this night. One of my favorite parts of the night came when Beverly Ross spoke truth over the audience.

If you haven’t heard of Beverly Ross or Wise County Christian Counseling, I would encourage you to go check them out!

At this dinner, Beverly Ross challenged us by saying, “We need to teach our children that it’s not going to be okay. It’s going to be hard, but you’re never going to do it alone.”

Until she said this, I had never thought about the danger of saying, “It’s going to be okay!” When little kids are upset, we tell them it will be okay. When someone dies, we say that it will be okay eventually. In those teenage years, we talk about their future and that everything will be better – friends, parent relationships, school, drama, their purpose…the list could go on and on.

But can we guarantee that everything will be okay? That things will get better?

We cannot promise that their life will be perfect or happy or even “okay,” but we can promise the teenagers around us that when it gets hard, when life is less than okay, that they will have someone to walk with them. They are not alone. They don’t have to struggle by themselves.

This is the power of Teen Lifeline Support Groups! More than anything, they provide a safe place for teenagers to talk about things that are both okay and not okay. They give perspective and understanding for other people’s struggles. They make sure that every teen participating has at least one adult and a group of peers to do life with.

As Beverly said, there are few words more powerful than “me too!” In the midst of pain, heartache, struggles, questions and life in general, teenagers need to be surrounded by others who can say, “Me too!”

“Me too” implies understanding and acceptance.

Think back to your teenage years. Did you ever feel alone, different, lost? What would have happened if someone had looked you in the eye and said, “Me too.”

Let’s stop making empty promises to our children. Telling them that it’s going to be okay is not helpful for anyone when you can’t actually guarantee what their future is going to look like. What is helpful is giving them a chance to meet and be encouraged by others who understand what they are going through. No fixing is required. You don’t have to have all of the answers, but take the time to listen and respond with, “Me too.”

So, what do you think? How has the phrase, “Me too,” impacted your life? What can we say instead of, “It’s going to be okay?” Share your thoughts and stories with us!

Karlie Duke was in one of Teen Lifeline’s original support groups and now is our Communications Director. She is passionate about encouraging students to live better stories.

Helping When It Hurts

by Karlie Duke | Jun 16, 2016 | Mental Health, Personal Development

I just got back from serving with LiveBeyond in Thomazeau, Haiti, where poverty, starvation, sickness and Satan can be seen at every corner. While I was still processing this level of hurt and pain, I came home to the injustice of the Orlando shooting.

Hurt has so many different faces.

Hurt looks like scrubbing a tiny Haitian head that is covered in ringworm. Hurt looks like hundreds of people mourning the loss of loved ones to gunshots. Hurt looks like students feeling unsafe at their schools because of bullies. Hurt looks like shoeless feet traveling miles to receive medical care. Hurt looks like a nation crying out after acts of hate and prejudice. Hurt looks like a teenager struggling after his parents go through a painful divorce.

Hurt can be overwhelming and sometimes it is easier to do nothing rather than wade into the unknown of pain. However, if there is anything that I have learned while in Haiti, it is that we cannot simply sit back and stay quiet. If not us, then who?

But where do we start? How can I help people that are miles, states or even nations away?

There isn’t an easy or fix-it-all answer, but hopefully these can provide a good starting place for how to help in the midst of hurt:

Focus on the person in front of you.

Are you far away from Orlando or Haiti? Unless you have time off and money for a plane ticket, that is probably not going to change, but you can love on that neighbor who is also struggling. Or you can tell a friend who feels targeted how sorry you are. You can take food to someone who has recently experienced loss, or volunteer with a local organization.

When there is a tragedy or when the hurt and pain is too overwhelming, start by loving the person directly in front of you. Don’t freeze. Don’t turn around and run. By focusing on one person at a time, you are making a difference in a manageable way! Once you have made that person in front of you feel loved and heard, move on to another person and do the same for them!

Find ways to encourage from afar.

Technology has made it incredibly easy to connect with people in other states, countries or continents! If you can’t stand in front of someone who is hurting, find ways to encourage them from where you are. Here are a few ideas of how to help from your own home:

Spend time in prayer for those that are hurting. For example, print off the names of those who died in Orlando – spend time specifically praying for their families by name.
Send letters, Facebook messages or care packages. Find those who are affected or maybe those who are living in areas where they are interacting with hurting people and encourage them with words and thoughtful gestures!
Support organizations who are helping those in need. Even if you only have $10 a month, you can partner with an organization and make a difference in the lives of those who are hurting.

Take up the cause of the oppressed.

“He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?” declares the Lord.

Jeremiah 22:16

Since I am a Christian, the message of this verse is very clear – if I want to know God, it is my job to defend the poor and needy.

If you are not motivated by Christianity or a sense of higher calling, you can still stand in the gap for those who have no one else to defend them or speak on their behalf.

This does not mean that you need to go on a 2,000 word Facebook rant to shame those who act out in hate, but instead think about how you can offer your thoughts, prayers and encouragement in a short, positive post. Maybe defending their cause means bringing hope and understanding into a conversation of condemnation.

For me, it means talking about the organizations and people I love (like Teen Lifeline & LiveBeyond) whenever possible. I can share the struggles and challenges of teenagers and the people of Haiti. I can bring awareness and recruit others to join their cause.

So, I am asking you to join me. Let’s not sit by and retreat in times of pain! Instead, let’s try to help in the midst of hurt. Do you have any other ideas of how to help in times of pain and hurt? We would love to hear them!

Karlie Duke was in one of Teen Lifeline’s original support groups and now is our Communications Director. She is passionate about encouraging students to live better stories.

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