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Helping Teens Build Real-World Coping Skills | Ep. 184

Helping Teens Build Real-World Coping Skills | Ep. 184

by | Oct 14, 2025 | Anxiety, Mental Health, Podcast

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Why Struggle Matters

When a teen melts down over a minor setback, it’s tempting to jump in and fix everything. But resilience isn’t a personality trait some kids are born with—it’s a skill that must be practiced. If teens never face real-life challenges, the “muscle” that helps them recover from stress stays weak. Our job as caring adults is not to shield them from struggle, but to guide them through it so they gain confidence and competence

Join us as we dig into research from The Anxious Generation.

Key Question

How can schools and parents help teens build coping skills that last a lifetime?

What We Cover
00:00 Building Resilience in Teens
02:54 Understanding the Anxious Generation
05:49 Coping Tools and Problem Solving
09:05 The Role of Responsibility and Trust
11:57 Practical Advice from ‘The Anxious Generation’
14:51 The Importance of Boredom and Unplugging
18:14 Encouraging Independence and Confidence

What’s Fueling Anxiety

Author Jonathan Haidt captures a central tension: “Overprotection in the real world and underprotection in the virtual world are the major reasons why children born after 1995 became the anxious generation.”

Teens today live with:

  • Overprotection offline – constant supervision and fear of risk.
  • Digital overload – endless notifications and pressure to stay “on.”
  • Lack of unstructured time – few chances to solve problems or be bored.

Parents and educators also feel the pull of anxiety. We see every scary headline and react by locking things down, unintentionally modeling fear.

Perspective Shift

Resilience is a learned skill, not a personality trait.

If teens don’t get chances to flex it through challenges, failures, and recovery, that muscle stays weak.

Our job isn’t to shield them from struggle, but to guide them through it so they build the confidence and skills they’ll need later.

What opportunities have they had to learn and practice resilience? Or what is holding them back?

Practial Coping Tools

Here are some simple ways adults can help teens practice resilience:

Problem-solving steps

Teach them to ask, What’s the problem? What are my options? What’s my first step?

Reframing thoughts

Shift “I failed, I’m terrible” to “This is practice, not perfection.”

Stress-reducing habits

Movement, sleep, creative outlets, and unplugged downtime.

Supportive peers

Friends who listen, encourage, and challenge in healthy ways.

Safe spaces to try and fail

School clubs, volunteering, sports, part-time jobs, or even small responsibilities at home.

Insights from the Anxious Generation

Haidt offers concrete suggestions that resonate with the team’s experiences:

  • Delay smartphones and social media – No smartphones before high school and no social media before 16 when possible.
  • Replace screen hours with offline community – Sports, youth groups, group projects that require in-person collaboration.
  • Encourage unsupervised play – Let kids negotiate rules and resolve conflicts without adults scripting every move.
  • Invite independence – Biking to a friend’s house, cooking a meal, managing a small job, or shopping alone builds real confidence.

TL Tips and Takeaways

Let them struggle a little.

Don’t rush to fix every problem—coach them through it with gentle correction and big praise.

Make space for boredom.

Quiet time sparks creativity and self-regulation.

Unplug to recharge.

Limit screen time so there’s room for real-world practice.

Why It Matters Now

Anxiety isn’t always the enemy. A dose of nervous energy before a performance or game can sharpen focus. But when teens stay in permanent “alert mode,” constantly pinged by notifications, stress becomes a lifestyle.

Helping them build coping skills—by allowing safe risks, encouraging independence, and modeling healthy habits—prepares them for life beyond high school.

Our kids are not fragile; they are capable and ready to grow if we give them the chance.

Links & Resources:

Don’t forget to subscribe! Find us on YouTube or wherever you listen to podcasts. Have a question or a topic you’d love to hear about? Reach out on social media or email us at podcast@teenlife.ngo.
Read Episode Transcript

Karlie Duke (00:11)
How can schools and parents help teens build real-world coping skills? Today’s conversation comes from reading The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt. We’ve already talked about social media with Sarah Brooks this season, but we wanted to focus on resilience—how we help teenagers develop these skills.

Resilience isn’t just a personality trait; it’s a learned skill we can help nurture in our teens. Part of our job as adults is to let them fail and face challenges while we’re there to guide them.

Tobin Hodges (01:07)
Exactly. I was talking about this recently with my older son and dating. I don’t want his first dating experience to be in college without the safety net of home and someone to talk to. It’s like training wheels—you want life training wheels while a parent is still nearby, making sure they don’t crash.

Karlie Duke (01:36)
One of the biggest contributors to the anxiety trend is overprotection. Haidt writes, “Overprotection in the real world and underprotection in the virtual world are the major reasons why children born after 1995 became the anxious generation.”

We became so worried about physical danger—kidnapping, accidents—that we locked down their freedom and handed them screens instead. But we didn’t give them guidelines for healthy use, and now they’re bombarded. They can never fully turn it off.

Caleb Hatchett (02:54)
Parents and students both live in a world of constant connection. We see every scary possibility, which makes it easy to lock down and become anxious. Kids pick up on that and learn to respond the same way.

Tobin Hodges (04:06)
So how do we help? First, teach problem-solving steps: What’s the problem? What are my options? What’s my first step? We all crave instant fixes, but that’s not how real problems work.

Reframing thoughts is huge too—shifting from “I failed, I’m terrible” to “This is practice, not perfection.” Many teens expect perfection and would rather avoid trying than risk failure.

Stress-reducing habits matter: movement, sleep, creative outlets, and unplugged downtime. Supportive friendships help as well—friends who listen, encourage, and challenge in healthy ways. And teens need safe spaces to test and gain confidence, whether that’s school clubs, volunteering, sports, or small home responsibilities.

My own teen just started a part-time cashier job. It’s simple, but it’s helped him mature in a way I hadn’t seen before. If we keep them from experiences like that, we take away chances to build responsibility and resilience.

Caleb Hatchett (06:42)
It really comes down to trust. The more responsibility you give a teen, the more they begin to trust themselves. I remember the first time my dad didn’t wake me up. If I missed my alarm, I’d miss school and deal with the consequences.

As a young adult, I realized there were basic things I’d never done on my own—like making doctor’s appointments or calling to book a retreat center—because someone else had always done it. The more I practiced those things, the more confident I became.

Karlie Duke (09:54)
That’s what’s interesting about Haidt’s advice. He recommends no smartphones before high school and no social media before 16. If you can wait longer, even better. He encourages replacing digital hours with offline community—sports, clubs, youth group, part-time jobs.

For teachers, that could mean group projects that must be completed in person. He also suggests more unsupervised play. Don’t give kids all the rules—let them figure out conflict resolution on their own.

Tobin Hodges (11:23)
Delaying or limiting smartphones can be tough. I wasn’t able to delay as much with my oldest because of circumstances, but I’ve learned and will be stricter with younger siblings.

Karlie Duke (12:49)
Unstructured time is so important. Our kids’ lives are often over-scheduled. If they’re not busy, they’re in front of a screen. We need to make space for quiet and boredom.

Caleb Hatchett (14:05)
Students are surrounded by noise and constant outlets. Some even watch videos in the shower. We’ve lost the natural moments of silence. There’s a YouTube video of a guy who locked his phone away for a month. He ended up less anxious and more excited to hang out with friends.

Parents need to model and embrace boredom too. It’s a challenge for everyone, not just teens.

Tobin Hodges (16:46)
And remember, some anxiety is healthy. Before a performance or game, those butterflies can sharpen focus. Anxiety only becomes a problem when it’s constant and crippling.

Karlie Duke (17:45)
If you’re a parent, teacher, or mentor, it’s okay to let teens struggle. Don’t fix everything—coach them through it. Let them set their own alarms and deal with consequences if they oversleep. Don’t always remind them about homework.

Even small things build confidence: send a child into the grocery store to buy three items, let them order their own food at restaurants, or have them speak up if something’s wrong with their order.

Make space for boredom and unplugging. That’s where creativity grows. We don’t want them learning these skills for the first time after they leave home. Whether you enjoy or critique The Anxious Generation, it’s worth a read to understand what our teens face and how we can support them.

Karlie Duke
Karlie Duke

Communications Director

Tobin Hodges
Tobin Hodges

Program Director

Caleb Hatchett
Caleb Hatchett

Podcast Host

More Resources You Might Like

How to Help A Teenager with Anxiety
Episode 103 Anxiety & Gap Years
teenagers and the pursuit of independence

Spotting the Signs of Teen Nicotine Use | Ep. 183

Spotting the Signs of Teen Nicotine Use | Ep. 183

by | Oct 7, 2025 | Drugs & Alcohol, Podcast

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

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How to Spot the Hidden Signs of Teen Nicotine Use

(and Start the Right Conversation)

Parents, teachers, coaches, and mentors often assume they’d know if a teen was experimenting with nicotine.

But today’s products are designed to stay under the radar, and even well-connected adults can miss the cues. Lock in to learn what the research really shows.

Plus, we’ll unpack ways to respond with both firmness and compassion.

Key Question

What are the subtle signs a teen might be using nicotine?

What We Cover

00:00  Introduction to Teen Nicotine Use
02:36  Understanding Vaping and Its Risks
05:18  The Impact of Nicotine on Teen Development
08:06  Recognizing Signs of Nicotine Use
10:47  The Conversation: Engaging Teens on Nicotine
13:29  Strategies for Parents to Address Nicotine Use

What the Research Really Shows

Addiction & Brain Development

  • Most e-cigarettes and nicotine pouches contain highly addictive nicotine.
  • The CDC warns that adolescent brains are especially vulnerable; dependence can form before daily use begins. (CDC, The Journal of Physiology)
  • Nicotine can disrupt neural pathways tied to attention, learning, mood, and impulse control. (Psychiatry Online)
  • Youth can begin to show signs of nicotine dependence even before daily use begins. (CDC)
  • Exposure during adolescence may also increase the risk for future addiction to other substances. (CDC)

Health Impact

  • Nicotine raises heart rate and blood pressure, which places extra strain on a developing cardiovascular system. (VCU Health, MD Anderson)
  • Oral nicotine pouches (Zyn, On!, Velo, etc.) are absorbed via gum and the lining of the mouth—no spit needed—and can cause gum inflammation, mouth sores, and even long-term dental harm. (Yale Medicine)
  • The long-term effects of pouches are still under study, but early evidence points to risks involving cognition, memory, and cardiovascular health.  (UMass Chan Medical School)
  • Some analyses have found that nicotine pouches may include traces of harmful chemicals (e.g., formaldehyde, heavy metals) in addition to nicotine. (American Lung Association)

Mental Health & the Illusion of “Stress Relief”

  • Many teens say vaping or using nicotine helps them manage stress—yet the science suggests otherwise. (CDC Foundation)
  • Nicotine dependence can worsen anxiety, disturb sleep, and disrupt concentration. (CDC Foundation)
  • What feels like stress reduction is often just easing withdrawal symptoms. Over time, the brain’s reward system becomes rewired to expect nicotine regularly. (Psychiatry Online)
Bottom line: vaping and Zyns aren’t harmless fads—they’re training the brain for long-term dependence.

Perspective Shift

It’s easy to believe that only “troubled kids” are at risk. In reality, many teens experiment because they’re curious, peer use is normalized, or marketing makes these products seem safe.

Spotting signs isn’t about catching anyone in the act—it’s about protecting their long-term health and helping them make informed choices.

Why Good Kids Are Still at Risk

It’s tempting to assume that only marginalized or “risky” teens experiment with substances. But the reality is broader:

  • Many teens try vaping, pouches, or pods out of curiosity, peer influence, or because these products are normalized in social circles.
  • Marketing strategies (flavoring, sleek packaging, discreet designs) help make these products more appealing and easier to hide.
  • Just because a teen seems “well-behaved” doesn’t mean they’re immune to experimentation or addiction

Health Impact

  • Nicotine raises heart rate and blood pressure, which places extra strain on a developing cardiovascular system. (VCU Health, MD Anderson)
  • Oral nicotine pouches (Zyn, On!, Velo, etc.) are absorbed via gum and the lining of the mouth—no spit needed—and can cause gum inflammation, mouth sores, and even long-term dental harm. (Yale Medicine)
  • The long-term effects of pouches are still under study, but early evidence points to risks involving cognition, memory, and cardiovascular health.  (UMass Chan Medical School)
  • Some analyses have found that nicotine pouches may include traces of harmful chemicals (e.g., formaldehyde, heavy metals) in addition to nicotine. (American Lung Association)

Mental Health & the Illusion of “Stress Relief”

  • Many teens say vaping or using nicotine helps them manage stress—yet the science suggests otherwise. (CDC Foundation)
  • Nicotine dependence can worsen anxiety, disturb sleep, and disrupt concentration. (CDC Foundation)
  • What feels like stress reduction is often just easing withdrawal symptoms. Over time, the brain’s reward system becomes rewired to expect nicotine regularly. (Psychiatry Online)

Products to Know

  • Vape Pens & E-Cigarettes (Juul, Puff Bar, Elf Bar, Hyde): Small, colorful devices that can look like USB drives, highlighters, or lip gloss tubes, often producing sweet-smelling aerosol.
  • Nicotine Pouches (Zyn, On!, Velo, Rogue): Tiny, spit-free pouches tucked between the lip and gum—nearly odorless and easy to hide.
  • Disposable Vapes: Brightly packaged, pre-filled sticks offering thousands of puffs.
  • Pod Systems: Rechargeable devices with snap-in pods of flavored nicotine liquid.

Hidden Warning Signs (Beyond “Do You Vape?”)

  • Sweet or fruity smells in a bedroom, car, or backpack
  • Odd USB drives, chargers, or pen-like gadgets
  • Sudden increase in gum, mints, or constant water bottle use to fight dry mouth
  • Restlessness, irritability, or frequent bathroom breaks
These products are engineered to escape notice. If you’ve felt “in the dark,” that’s not a parenting failure—it’s part of the marketing strategy.

TL Tips and Takeaways

Balance Rules with Relationship

Build trust while holding boundaries. Use “we” language: “We’re learning about this together because we both care about your health.”

Start with Curiosity

Instead of “Are you vaping?!” try:

“I’ve been hearing a lot about vaping and Zyns at schools. Do you see that happening around you?”

Show Empathy & Invite Conversation

“I know it seems like no big deal, and some teens say it helps with stress. Does that feel true for you?”

“I don’t know everything about vaping. Can you help me understand what people your age think about it?”

Some Last Thoughts

Nicotine use among teens is more common—and more concerning—than many adults realize.

Recent surveys show that more than one out of every ten high school students report using e-cigarettes within the past month, and the popularity of discreet products like nicotine pouches is climbing quickly.

Early signs of mouth irritation and gum problems are already appearing, and researchers warn that the long-term effects of these newer products remain uncertain.

What we do know is that nicotine addiction can take hold after only occasional use, making it far harder to quit later. By starting open conversations and staying alert to subtle cues, parents, educators, and other caring adults can help teens avoid habits that threaten their health and well-being for years to come.

Whether you’re a parent, educator, or mentor, you can’t control every choice a teen makes—but you can create a space where honest dialogue and wise decisions are possible! Listen to the full episode for more insights and practical steps to protect the teens you care about.

Links & Resources:

Don’t forget to subscribe! Find us on YouTube or wherever you listen to podcasts. Have a question or a topic you’d love to hear about? Reach out on social media or email us at podcast@teenlife.ngo.
Read Episode Transcript

Caleb Hatchett:
What are subtle signs a teen might be using nicotine? It’s an important question, especially as new products keep appearing. First it was cigarettes—clearly harmful. Then vapes came along, and now there are Zyn pouches with straight nicotine. All of these can be hard for parents or adults to notice.

Karlie Duke:
That’s true. Cigarettes were easier to detect because of the smell, even if people tried to cover it up. With vaping or Zyns, there may be no smell at all.

Caleb Hatchett:
I’ve seen teens who can vape in a classroom without anyone noticing. And with nicotine pouches, you can tuck one in your lip and it’s invisible.

Tobin Hodges:
Exactly. Vapes can be used anywhere if you’re discreet. My wife has seen middle school students vape in class. That shows how addictive these products are.

Why Teens Think It’s “Not That Bad”

Caleb Hatchett:
Many teens argue, “It’s not a cigarette, it’s just nicotine.” They think it’s safer—just a quick head high, not real drugs.

Karlie Duke:
But research shows most e-cigarettes contain nicotine, which is highly addictive. Teen brains are more vulnerable, and nicotine can harm areas controlling attention, learning, mood, and impulse control. It also raises heart rate and blood pressure, and Zyn pouches can cause gum recession and mouth sores.

Nicotine disrupts dopamine cycles, so teens may feel anxious or depressed when not using and mistake withdrawal for stress relief. What feels like calming down is really the relief of addiction.

Caleb Hatchett:
Nicotine itself is a chemical compound found in the tobacco family. Companies work hard to market it as less harmful than smoking, but that doesn’t make it safe.

Tobin Hodges:
Some even offer reward programs for buying their products—gamifying addiction. It’s clearly targeted at younger users.

Anyone Can Be at Risk

Karlie Duke:
This isn’t just for “bad kids.” Companies are going after all teenagers. Statistically, your student knows someone using these products, even if they’re not.

Tobin Hodges:
The game has changed. You won’t always see a pack of cigarettes. Warning signs include:

Sweet or fruity smells in backpacks or bedrooms

Unusual USB drives or small gadgets that could be vapes

Constant gum, mints, or water to hide dry mouth

Irritability, restlessness, or frequent bathroom breaks

These products are designed to be hidden. If you’re unaware, that’s not bad parenting—that’s the industry’s plan.

Long-Term Concerns

Tobin Hodges:
People think it’s healthier than smoking, but we don’t know the long-term effects of vaping oils or pouches. Lack of evidence doesn’t mean it’s safe.

Caleb Hatchett:
Dependence can sneak up quickly. Friends of mine who started in high school or college now feel they need nicotine to focus at work. You don’t want to be controlled by anything.

How to Talk with Teens

Karlie Duke:
If you suspect use—or even if you don’t—start the conversation. Balance rules with relationship. Hold boundaries, but build trust. Use “we” language: “We’re in this together.”

Stay calm and “shockproof.” If you discover use, take a breath before reacting.

Caleb Hatchett:
Begin with open questions:

“I’ve been hearing a lot about vaping and Zyns. Do you see that around you?”

“Some teens say it helps with stress. Do you think that’s true?”

“I don’t know much about it—can you help me understand what people your age think?”

Tobin Hodges:
Avoid asking, “Are you vaping?” That almost guarantees defensiveness. Show curiosity and empathy instead.

Karlie Duke:
Whether you’ve seen signs or not, these conversations matter. Companies are targeting teens, and our job is to equip them with healthy coping skills and the facts they need to make wise choices.

You said:
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Teen Life Podcast – Edited Transcript
Episode: Subtle Signs a Teen Might Be Using Nicotine

Caleb Hatchett (00:19):
What are subtle signs a teen might be using nicotine? It’s a question that’s more important than ever. It’s interesting to see how nicotine keeps showing up in new ways. Cigarettes were clearly harmful—everyone campaigned against them. Then came vapes, which put metal in your lungs, and now there are Zyn pouches with straight nicotine. All of these are hard to notice as a parent or adult. How can we recognize them?

Karlie Duke (01:01):
That’s fair. Cigarettes were easier to catch because you could smell them, even with tricks to hide the scent. With many of these new products, you might not smell or even see anything.

Caleb Hatchett (01:07):
Exactly. I’ve seen teens who can vape in a classroom. And with a Zyn pouch tucked in the lip, no one can see it.

Tobin Hodges (01:34):
Right. Vapes can be used almost anywhere, and if you aren’t seen, you won’t get caught. My wife has had middle school students vape in class—sixth through eighth grade! That shows how addictive this can be.

I’m always amazed when people openly smoke where it’s not allowed. The confidence to do that is wild.

Caleb Hatchett (02:01):
I think a lot of teens believe, “It’s not a cigarette, it’s just nicotine.” They see it as not that bad—just a little head high.

Tobin Hodges (02:36):
Right.

Caleb Hatchett (02:45):
They think it’s natural. But what even is nicotine?

Karlie Duke (02:54):
Good question! But the point is that the stigma around cigarettes isn’t there with current products, and the risks are just as real.

Research shows most e-cigarettes contain nicotine, which is highly addictive. The adolescent brain is more vulnerable, and nicotine can harm attention, learning, mood, and impulse control. It raises heart rate and blood pressure. Zyn pouches can cause gum recession, mouth sores, and long-term dental issues.

Nicotine also disrupts dopamine cycles, so teens may feel anxious or depressed when not using. What seems like stress relief is actually withdrawal. This isn’t a harmless fad—it can lead to long-term dependence and even increase the likelihood of cigarette smoking later.

Caleb Hatchett (05:18):
Nicotine is a chemical compound in the tobacco family, also found in plants like eggplant. Companies work hard to say it’s not the main cause of smoking-related health problems, but that doesn’t make it safe.

Tobin Hodges (06:37):
Some brands even have reward programs. Buy a can, log it, and earn points for things like coolers or grills. That’s gamification aimed straight at teens.

Karlie Duke (07:23):
And this isn’t just a “bad kid” issue. Companies are targeting all teenagers. If you think, “Not my student or anyone in my youth group,” statistically, you or your teen know someone who’s using these products. That doesn’t mean they’re bad—it means they’re human.

Tobin Hodges (08:06):
The game has changed. You won’t necessarily see a pack of cigarettes. Watch for:

  • Sweet or fruity smells in backpacks or bedrooms
  • Unusual USB drives or chargers
  • Constant gum, mints, or water (to hide dry mouth)
  • Irritability, restlessness, or frequent bathroom breaks

These products are designed to be hidden. If you feel in the dark, that’s not because you’re a bad parent—it’s because billion-dollar companies work to keep you there.

Tobin Hodges (10:47):
People say vaping is safer than cigarettes, but we don’t know the long-term effects. Oil buildup in lungs can’t be good, and there’s little research yet. Don’t buy the argument that it’s healthy.

Caleb Hatchett (12:12):
Dependence can sneak up quickly. Friends who started in high school or college now need nicotine to focus at work. It stops being cool when you’re in your late twenties and can’t quit.

Talking With Teens

Karlie Duke (15:30):
If you suspect use—or even if you don’t—it’s worth having the conversation. Balance rules with relationship. Hold boundaries, but build trust. Use “we” language: “We’re in this together.”

Stay calm and “shockproof.” If you discover use, take a deep breath before reacting.

Caleb Hatchett (16:50):
Ask open questions:

“I’ve been hearing a lot about vaping and Zyns. Do you see that around you?”

“Some teens say it helps with stress. Do you think that’s true?”

“I don’t know much about it—can you help me understand what people your age think?”

Karlie Duke (18:01):
Avoid asking, “Are you vaping?” That almost guarantees defensiveness. Show curiosity and empathy instead.

Tobin Hodges (18:32):
And be shockproof. If they open a drawer full of pods, you might be screaming inside, but don’t react in a way that makes them feel unsafe.

This is a heavy topic, but you’re not alone. Share this conversation with other parents, and keep talking with your teens.

Karlie Duke
Karlie Duke

Communications Director

Tobin Hodges
Tobin Hodges

Program Director

Caleb Hatchett
Caleb Hatchett

Podcast Host

More Resources You Might Like

episode 53: gratitude & teen terms
3 mindset shifts for mentors
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Questions That Get Teens Talking with Sarah Brooks | Ep. 182

Questions That Get Teens Talking with Sarah Brooks | Ep. 182

by | Sep 30, 2025 | Parenting, Podcast, Support Groups

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How to Get Past “Fine”: Sparking Real Conversations with Teens

“How was your day?”
“Fine.”

Sound familiar? Sarah Brooks joins the team to share practical ways adults can move past one-word answers and open the door to meaningful conversations with teenagers.

Key Question

I ask my teen how their day was and all I get is ‘fine.’ How can I get them to give me more than one-word answers?

Why Teens Give Short Answers

Short replies like “fine,” “good,” or “nothing” often have less to do with rudeness and more to do with what’s happening beneath the surface. After a long day of classes, social interactions, and activities, teens are usually tired and may need time to decompress before they can switch into conversation mode.

Many teens also guard their independence. A quick answer can be their way of keeping a sense of privacy or control, especially if they feel peppered with questions. Add in the natural push for autonomy during adolescence and the ever-present distraction of phones, and it’s easy to see why they might default to the simplest response.

The way questions are asked matters too. Broad, open-ended prompts like “How was school?” can feel overwhelming because they require a teen to sift through an entire day’s worth of experiences. Specific, concrete questions—“Who made you laugh today?” or “What class surprised you?”—are easier to answer and invite a real exchange.

Environment and timing also play a big role. Teens may clam up if they feel like they’re under a spotlight or being interrogated. They tend to talk more freely when the setting is low-pressure, such as during a car ride, while cooking, or on a walk, when conversation can flow side-by-side instead of face-to-face.

Better Questions, Better Connection

Listen to the full episode for lots of great conversation starters, but here are a few to try right away:
  • “Who’s the funniest person you saw today?”
  • “What would your friends say about this?”
  • “What do you wish adults understood about your generation?”

These focused prompts give teens something specific to answer and invite them to share their real thoughts.

Listen First, Fix Later

The most powerful tool isn’t the perfect question—it’s how you listen.

Here are our top tips:

  • Stay unflappable. Don’t react with shock or judgment.
  • Resist the urge to fix. Teens need space to process, not a lecture.
  • Be present. Put the phone down, make eye contact, or go for a walk or drive to create a relaxed side-by-side setting.

Timing Matters

The moment you choose to start a conversation can determine whether it blossoms or fizzles.

After school, practice, or a social outing, many teens experience a mental “crash” as they transition from the demands of the day to the safety of home. They need what some call a “decompression zone”—a stretch of time to grab a snack, scroll their phone, or simply be quiet before they’re ready to share.

It’s also important to read the room.

If a teen is clearly tired, irritated, or focused on another task, even well-intentioned questions can feel intrusive.

Look for natural pauses instead. A short car ride, a walk with the dog, or a shared chore like washing dishes often creates the relaxed environment that invites conversation. Side-by-side settings lower the pressure and make it easier for teens to open up, because they’re not under the direct gaze of an adult.

Adjusting to a teen’s internal clock can help too.

Some are more talkative late at night, others early in the morning, and many need their own rhythm respected. Rather than demanding immediate answers, letting them know you’re available when they’re ready shows trust and patience.

Key Take-Aways for Parents Teachers and Mentors
  • Build trust early with everyday connection points, not just big “serious talks.”
  • Admit when you miss the mark—owning mistakes shows respect and models humility.
  • Offer choices about when and how to have important conversations.

Some Last Thoughts

Getting past one-word answers isn’t about pushing harder—it’s about creating space.

When caring adults give teens time to unwind, ask thoughtful questions, and listen without judgment, they signal respect for the teen’s world. Over time, those small, consistent choices build the kind of trust that turns everyday moments into meaningful conversations and lasting connection.

Don’t forget to subscribe! Find us on YouTube or wherever you listen to podcasts. Have a question or a topic you’d love to hear about? Reach out on social media or email us at podcast@teenlife.ngo.
Read Episode Transcript

Host:
I ask my team how their day was and all I get is “fine.” How can I get them to give me more than one-word answers? That’s the question today, and we brought in an expert. Caleb isn’t here, but we’re upgrading—sorry, Caleb—with Sarah Brooks.

Sarah is a Teen Life board member, volunteer, super-mom, and a champion of teenagers. She has a gift for making teens feel safe, heard, and willing to talk, which is why we wanted her insight.

Sarah Brooks:
Thanks for having me! I think adults get stuck with one-word answers for a lot of reasons. Teens might simply be uninterested in that moment. Maybe they need a snack, maybe their mind is still on school, or maybe it’s just not the right time. It usually isn’t personal.

Also, if you ask a lame question, you’ll get a lame answer. “How was your day?” is a front-door question—it’s direct and flat. If you rephrase creatively and come in the “back door,” you’ll get fuller answers.

Host:
So give options instead of yes/no?

Sarah:
Exactly. If you ask a yes/no question, they can brush it off. Give them choices so they have to think. Teens also hate looking foolish in front of peers, so I often ask about their friends: “What would your friends say about…?” or “What do you think your generation thinks about…?” They’re really giving their own opinion without the pressure.

Kids also love giving advice. Ask, “If you were parenting right now, what would you do?” They’ll reveal a lot without realizing it.

Host:
Sometimes you need to warm them up first.

Sarah:
Yes. You can’t start with a heavy question. Read the room and build up. And never nag—“Tell me more” after a “fine” is the quickest way to shut them down. I compare it to approaching a wild animal: you can’t come in aggressive. Even parents need to give space.

Host:
What about timing?

Sarah:
Timing and setting are huge. Think about a “decompression zone.” When someone comes home, give them a pause before starting a conversation. Side-by-side is powerful—talk while driving, walking, planting flowers, even coloring. Facing each other can feel intense. Moving together lowers defenses and even gives you a second to hide a surprised reaction.

Host:
Great tip. What questions actually open the door?

Sarah:
I like to ask my kids for a “parenting evaluation”:

“What am I doing well?”

“What could I improve?”

It tells them we’re all learning. I’ll ask, “Which of your friends could use more or less parenting—and why?” Or fun ones:

“Who’s the funniest person you know?”

“Who’s the meanest?”

“What do you wish adults understood about your generation or the struggles you face online?”

Specific questions work better than “How was your day?”—which part of an eight-hour day do they even pick?

Host:
Listening is key too.

Sarah:
Absolutely. You can have the best questions in the world, but if you’re not a safe listener, it won’t matter. Listen curiously, be unflappable, and don’t take answers personally. And don’t rush to fix things. If a teen shares a problem, your job in that moment is to hear them, not solve it.

Host:
Sometimes we relate everything back to our own stories.

Sarah:
Right. Let them have their own experiences. Even if their situation mirrors yours, you don’t need to make it about you.

Host:
What if you must have a tough conversation?

Sarah:
Set expectations. Say, “We need to talk about something hard—would you rather do that now or later?” Give them a choice when possible. Make sure everyone is fed and rested; it matters more than we think.

Host:
Any last advice?

Sarah:
Admit when you mess up. If you lose your temper or don’t listen, own it and ask for a redo. That builds trust. And remember, small moments of connection add up—late-night talks, car rides, walks, helping with a task. Those everyday touchpoints pave the way for the deeper conversations.

Host:
Such good wisdom. This week, look for an intentional way to connect with a teen—maybe a drive, a walk, or just a silly question. Subscribe to the podcast and join us next time.

Karlie Duke
Karlie Duke

Communications Director

Tobin Hodges
Tobin Hodges

Program Director

Sarah Brooks

Sarah Brooks

Special Guest

More Resources You Might Like

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Helping Teens Balance Digital Lives - Episode 181
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Helping Teens Balance Digital Lives with Sarah Brooks | 181

Helping Teens Balance Digital Lives with Sarah Brooks | 181

by | Sep 23, 2025 | Podcast, Technology

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

 Listen & Subscribe

YouTube

How can I help teens grow in gratitude?

Our phones never stop buzzing, but today’s teens need more than constant connection. In this episode, the team welcomes Sarah Brooks, longtime Teen Life volunteer and board member, to explore a question many parents, teachers, and mentors are asking: How can adults help teens keep their digital lives in balance?

Key Question

What are ways that adults can help teens balance their digital lives?

What We Cover

00:00 Navigating Digital Life and Social Media
00:27 The Positive Aspects of Digital Connection
06:38 The Dark Side of Digital Engagement
14:18 Finding Balance in a Digital World

What are the bright spots in the digital world?

Digital life isn’t all bad. Online spaces can offer connection for young people who feel isolated, especially those with unique interests or social anxiety. Creative teens also have powerful tools to share music, art, and ideas with a wide audience. These opportunities can spark friendships and encourage imagination—when used with care.

Yet even these positives carry a shadow—constant shallow connection, pressure to “be a brand,” and the loss of simply doing something for fun.

TL;DR: Things to Celebrate

  • Connection for the Isolated
  • Space for Creativity

What should we be worried about?

The constant scroll brings real concerns. Device use can become addictive, with withdrawal-like reactions when screens are taken away.

Short attention spans are now the norm, making it harder to engage deeply with sports, schoolwork, or relationships.

Teens are also exposed to rapid swings from tragedy to celebration, leaving them numb and emotionally drained. And when life is shared mainly as content, in-person moments can lose their meaning.

Practical Ways to Support Balance

Caring adults can help guide teens toward healthier habits:

Model healthy limits.

Let them see you step away from your phone—during meals, on outings, or for set periods each week.

Invite their input.

Ask what they think a reasonable screen schedule looks like. When teens help set boundaries, they’re more likely to follow them.

Offer real-life alternatives.

Outdoor time, hobbies, and even boredom give teens a chance to reset.

Use tools thoughtfully.

Apps or devices that limit screen access can be helpful, but conversation and connection matter even more.

Some Last Thoughts

Technology is a powerful tool, but it should serve us—not the other way around. By modeling balance, involving teens in the process, and encouraging offline experiences, adults can help young people enjoy the benefits of digital life without being consumed by it.

We’re all learning together—one unplugged moment at a time.

Don’t forget to subscribe! Find us on YouTube or wherever you listen to podcasts. Have a question or a topic you’d love to hear about? Reach out on social media or email us at podcast@teenlife.ngo.
Read Episode Transcript
Host: What are ways that adults can help teens balance their digital lives? We are back once again with Sarah Brooks—a friend of the show, longtime volunteer, and Teen Life board member. When we talk about digital media and teens, it can get dark and doom-and-gloom fast. So let’s start with the positives. From your perspective, what are some good things that social media and digital life bring to teens?

Sarah: I’ve been in the digital space for about 15 years, and when I first started, I had a long list of positives. Over time that list has gotten shorter. Even when I see positives, the negative side grows stronger. But yes, there are still a few.

Connection is huge, especially for kids who find it hard to connect face-to-face. A teen with a specific hobby or unique skills can find others around the world who share that interest without the pressure of in-person interaction. That will always be a positive. The downside is that we’re now so over-connected that we don’t know how to unplug.

Creativity is another benefit. Teens can create music, art, and content in ways that were impossible before. But many start to see themselves as a brand. They feel pressure to maintain a certain image and “top” their last post. Humans weren’t meant to have an aesthetic, and that constant pressure can take the fun out of being creative.

Host: It’s like how a fun hobby quickly turns into something you have to monetize.

Sarah: Exactly. We rarely do things just for fun anymore.

Host: On the flip side, what are the most concerning patterns you see with teens and digital life?

Sarah: The physiological and neurological addiction. The dopamine hit is real. When devices are taken away, many kids show actual withdrawal symptoms. We also have clear data now showing how constant screen time harms mental health.

Attention spans are shrinking. Teens are used to highlights and quick takes instead of deep engagement. And there’s a troubling desensitization. We can scroll past a violent video and then straight to a cookie recipe. We weren’t designed to carry the weight of the entire world in our pocket, but that’s what’s happening.

Another concern is how life itself becomes content. We shortchange real relationships because we’re busy sharing every moment online.

Host: So what can parents, mentors, and schools do to help?

Sarah: First, remember there’s no magic fix. Taking a phone away without addressing habits creates other problems. Kids need to be equipped to be bored and to live an “analog” life.

It starts with adults. Model what you want to see. Let kids watch you unplug. For example, I do “screen-free Fridays” where I put my phone away the entire day. Maybe that’s extreme, but even simple steps like leaving your phone in the car during family outings or keeping dinner a phone-free zone make an impact.

Invite teens into the conversation. Ask what a healthy screen rhythm looks like to them. When they help set boundaries, they’re more likely to follow them. In my home, my kids suggested limiting gaming to a few times a week depending on the weather—and because they chose it, they stick to it.

There are helpful tools, like apps that temporarily disable phones, but real connection matters more than any filter.

I actually have hope. Many teens are already aware of the downsides and are choosing flip phones or limiting social media. Technology is an incredible tool, but it should serve us, not the other way around.

Host: That’s a great reminder. We’re all still in the early years of figuring out how to live with this technology. Take it one day at a time, model balance, and involve teens in the process.

This is the core episode text with filler words, excessive spacing, and pre-/post-episode chatter removed for easier reading or publication.

You said:
add the rest of the transcript back in and edit in the same manner
ChatGPT said:

Here’s the full transcript with the intro and wrap-up sections restored, cleaned for extra spaces and with all “um” and filler removed. The entire conversation flows from the first on-topic question through the final good-bye, while pre-show small talk and end-of-recording chatter have been removed.

Teen Life Podcast – Helping Teens Balance Their Digital Lives

Host: What are ways that adults can help teens balance their digital lives? We are back once again with Sarah Brooks—a friend of the show, longtime volunteer, and Teen Life board member. When we talk about digital media and teens, it can get dark and doom-and-gloom fast. So let’s start with the positives. From your perspective, what are some good things that social media and digital life bring to teens?

Sarah: I’ve been in the digital space for about 15 years, and when I first started, I had a long list of positives. Over time that list has gotten shorter. Even when I see positives, the negative side grows stronger. But yes, there are still a few.

Connection is huge, especially for kids who find it hard to connect face-to-face. A teen with a specific hobby or unique skills can find others around the world who share that interest without the pressure of in-person interaction. That will always be a positive. The downside is that we’re now so over-connected that we don’t know how to unplug.

Creativity is another benefit. Teens can create music, art, and content in ways that were impossible before. But many start to see themselves as a brand. They feel pressure to maintain a certain image and “top” their last post. Humans weren’t meant to have an aesthetic, and that constant pressure can take the fun out of being creative.

Host: It’s like how a fun hobby quickly turns into something you have to monetize.

Sarah: Exactly. We rarely do things just for fun anymore.

Host: On the flip side, what are the most concerning patterns you see with teens and digital life?

Sarah: The physiological and neurological addiction. The dopamine hit is real. When devices are taken away, many kids show actual withdrawal symptoms. We also have clear data now showing how constant screen time harms mental health.

Attention spans are shrinking. Teens are used to highlights and quick takes instead of deep engagement. And there’s a troubling desensitization. We can scroll past a violent video and then straight to a cookie recipe. We weren’t designed to carry the weight of the entire world in our pocket, but that’s what’s happening.

Another concern is how life itself becomes content. We shortchange real relationships because we’re busy sharing every moment online.

Host: So what can parents, mentors, and schools do to help?

Sarah: First, remember there’s no magic fix. Taking a phone away without addressing habits creates other problems. Kids need to be equipped to be bored and to live an “analog” life.

It starts with adults. Model what you want to see. Let kids watch you unplug. For example, I do “screen-free Fridays” where I put my phone away the entire day. Maybe that’s extreme, but even simple steps like leaving your phone in the car during family outings or keeping dinner a phone-free zone make an impact.

Invite teens into the conversation. Ask what a healthy screen rhythm looks like to them. When they help set boundaries, they’re more likely to follow them. In my home, my kids suggested limiting gaming to a few times a week depending on the weather—and because they chose it, they stick to it.

There are helpful tools, like apps that temporarily disable phones, but real connection matters more than any filter.

I actually have hope. Many teens are already aware of the downsides and are choosing flip phones or limiting social media. Technology is an incredible tool, but it should serve us, not the other way around.

Host: That’s a great reminder. We’re all still in the early years of figuring out how to live with this technology. Take it one day at a time, model balance, and involve teens in the process.

If you enjoyed this conversation, subscribe to the Teen Life Podcast on your favorite platform or watch on YouTube. Have a question for a future episode? Email us at podcasts@teenlife.ngo
.

Thanks for listening, and we’ll see you next time.

Karlie Duke
Karlie Duke

Communications Director

Tobin Hodges
Tobin Hodges

Program Director

Caleb Hatchett
Caleb Hatchett

Podcast Host

Sarah Brooks

Sarah Brooks

Special Guest

More Resources You Might Like

raising grateful teens - ep. 180
3 mindset shifts for mentors
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Raising Grateful Teens in an Entitled World | Ep. 180

Raising Grateful Teens in an Entitled World | Ep. 180

by | Sep 16, 2025 | Parenting, Podcast

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

 Listen & Subscribe

YouTube

How can I help teens grow in gratitude?

Spend time with teens long enough and you’ll likely hear complaints about chores, groans about homework, or frustration when things don’t go their way.

At times, it can look like entitlement—like they expect everything to be handed to them. But before we throw up our hands and label this “a teen problem,” let’s dig deeper.

Key Question

Why do teens seem so entitled, and what actually helps them appreciate what they have?

What We Cover

02:03  Understanding Teen Entitlement
05:13  The Impact of Parenting Styles on Entitlement
08:00  Cultural Influences on Teen Expectations
11:06  Navigating Entitlement in Adolescence
11:35  The Balance of Parenting and Resilience
13:55  Navigating Expectations and Mental Health
15:42  Fostering Gratitude in Children
17:41  Encouraging Ownership and Real Life Lessons

What does entitlement look like in teens?

Entitlement can show up in subtle or obvious ways, such as:

  • Expecting privileges without responsibility.
  • Being ungrateful when given opportunities or gifts.
  • Struggling to handle “no” or boundaries.
  • Comparing themselves constantly to peers and feeling dissatisfied.

Sound familiar? The truth is, entitlement isn’t unique to teenagers—it’s part of being human. Teens are just in a developmental stage where they’re still learning how to balance expectations with gratitude.

What’s behind the entitlement stereotype?

It’s easy to blame a generation, but entitlement in teens often reflects bigger cultural and developmental realities:

  • Cultural Shifts: We live in a world of instant access and constant upgrades—gratification comes quickly.
  • Parenting Patterns: Well-meaning adults sometimes shield teens from struggle, unintentionally feeding unrealistic expectations.
  • Development Realities: Teens are wired to see the world through their own lens as they develop independence.
  • Social Media Comparison: A scroll through feeds can make any teen feel like they’re missing out or “deserve more.”

Perspective Shift

Instead of seeing entitlement as evidence that something is “wrong,” what if we reframed it as a normal part of growth?

Entitlement is not failure—it’s immaturity. And adults wrestle with it too! Think about how easy it is to complain when Wi-Fi is slow, or when a long line at the store feels unfair.

Teens are simply practicing, with our help, how to handle those same human tendencies.

The Cost of Entitlement

Unchecked entitlement can hurt teens in significant ways:

  • Relationships: It makes it harder to build empathy and deep connections.
  • Resilience: If they expect life to always be easy, setbacks feel overwhelming.
  • Motivation: Without instant rewards, they may give up or disengage.
  • Mental Health: Constant disappointment can fuel anxiety, anger, or even depression.

Practical Ways to Grow Gratitude in Teens

Here’s the good news: entitlement isn’t permanent. Teens can learn genuine gratitude when adults model it and create opportunities for growth.

Some strategies include:

  • Model thankfulness: Let your teen hear you say “thank you” often. Express gratitude for both big and small things.
  • Expose them to new experiences: Volunteering or serving others helps teens see beyond themselves.
  • Practice delayed gratification: Encourage saving for something they want or waiting for rewards.
  • Start gratitude journaling: Writing down daily blessings builds awareness over time.
  • Let them take ownership: Giving responsibility for chores, projects, or family contributions helps teens appreciate what they have.

TL Tips and Takeaways

Don’t just force “thank yous.” Focus on cultivating genuine appreciation.

Show gratitude to your teen. Thank them for helping out, for following through, or simply for being present.

Take one step yourself. This week, grow your own gratitude—because when adults practice thankfulness, teens notice.

Some Last Thoughts

Helping teens move from entitlement to appreciation is not about shaming them—it’s about guiding them. When we model gratitude and give them chances to practice, we equip them with tools that will strengthen their relationships, resilience, and well-being for life.

Links & Resources:

Don’t forget to subscribe! Find us on YouTube or wherever you listen to podcasts. Have a question or a topic you’d love to hear about? Reach out on social media or email us at podcast@teenlife.ngo.
Karlie Duke
Karlie Duke

Communications Director

Tobin Hodges
Tobin Hodges

Program Director

Caleb Hatchett
Caleb Hatchett

Podcast Host

More Resources You Might Like

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