hope | Teen Life

5 Christmas Movie Lessons for Teens

by Karlie Duke | Dec 14, 2017 | Holidays, Mental Health, Parenting, Support Groups

I may have a Christmas movie problem…I love them all! The classics, the musicals, the cartoons, the cheesy ones, the funny ones, the Hallmark ones and everything in between. If it deals with Santa or snow, count me in! To some, these movies may feel silly, boring, or annoying. But they would be wrong, and I am about to prove to you why you (and your teenagers) need Christmas movies in your life.

Most follow the “Christmas Movie Formula” which usually includes a problem at the beginning, a love interest being introduced, a conflict that causes everything to derail before the happily ever after. I’ll admit, many Christmas movies are predictable, but I dare you to find a genre of movies that includes more hope, joy, or inspiration.

Plus the Christmas music. And the snow. Come on!! How could you not love these movies?!

Christmas movies have lessons that apply to life in general, but these lessons specifically apply to teenagers. If the students in our Support Groups grasped these lessons, I truly believe their lives would look completely different.

So here we go…below are 5 lessons that we can learn from the greatest movies of all time. (Please note that there are spoilers. If you have not seen any of these movies, stop what you are doing, go borrow it from your friend, and have a movie night.)

Everyone needs a place to belong.

(Elf)

In this hilarious and heartwarming story about Buddy the Elf’s journey to find his family, it is easy to see the importance of belonging. Despite the silliness and sugar obsession, Buddy is desperately seeking a place to belong. In this movie, there is a transformation that takes place in the life of Buddy and all those around him when he becomes his best self under the love and care of a family.

Teenagers are the same way. They desperately want a place to belong and feel safe. They want to be accepted for themselves. Please do not overlook this! We can encourage teens, give them a place to belong, surround them with people who will invest in their lives, and find situations for them to excel. Teens look to peers, but mostly they are going to look to you for belonging that lasts.

The small things make a big difference.

(It’s a Wonderful Life)

This movie is the definition of a holiday classic. It tells the story of George Bailey and his life that is successful not because of the big things, but because of the small things that have added up over a lifetime. After wondering if his life was worth living, the movie ends with the most beautiful picture of people from all stages of life – people who benefitted from the small things.

Teenagers need to understand that the small things they do matter. Showing up at school, being kind, respecting parents and teachers, serving others, being honest – these small things add up over time and can change lives. Let us encourage the small things, and not just the big accomplishments. Look for ways to praise and recognize the everyday successes.

Using your gifts & talents is key to success.

(Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer)

Who doesn’t love these animated Christmas movies?! Rudolf and Hermy the elf decide to run away together to escape the judgement and shame their differences bring. While others have made them believe that their differences make them wrong and weird, they eventually realize that their skills and talents make them uniquely qualified to help in ways others cannot – even saving Christmas!

How many times do teenagers feel this way? They think that they are different and failing because they do not have the right opportunities to actually use the things they are good at. Helping teenagers find their passion and talents is crucial to them finding success. They are going to fail in areas where they feel incompetent. Instead, encourage their skills, point out their gifts, and help teens find opportunities to utilize them.

Progress is important, no matter how small. (How the Grinch Stole Christmas)

The Grinch is a classic Christmas redemption story. We start with a grouchy, Christmas-hating, exiled character and watch him transform into a lovable Grinch with a heart that is too big and cheeks that are warm. The catch is that he made small changes throughout the entire story, but Cindy Lou Who was the only one who noticed.

So many times, teenagers stop making progress because they don’t feel like their small changes are being recognized or making a difference. They are so wrong, though! When they pull their grade up 3 points, get an extra hour of sleep, offer to help with a chore without being asked add up over time and make a major impact. Progress and change, no matter how small should be celebrated.

A little hope and a lot of community go a long way

(White Christmas)

This is my very favorite Christmas movie, no contest. And I cry at the end every single time during “The Old Man” scene where 151st division comes together to honor General Waverly. After the General is rejected by the army and is only left with his struggling inn, Bob Wallace and Phil Davis decide to bring his community together to help out. Surrounded by loved ones and with the hope of snow and more profitable days, the General’s attitude completely transforms.

Teenagers need community and hope. This is the number one thing that we find in our Support Groups. When they find a place to belong and see hope that their future can be different, they will change

What do you think of these Christmas movie lessons? Do you have other favorite Christmas movies that we can learn from? We would love to hear from you!

Karlie Duke

Director of Communications

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Don’t Panic about Grief with Beverly Ross

by Karlie Duke | May 31, 2016 | Podcast, Resources, Support Groups

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Grief comes in many different forms, but it is something everyone deals with at some point in life. This episode, Chris and Karlie are joined by Beverly Ross to talk about the the basics of grief, what to expect from a grieving teenager and how we can better support teens who are grieving. Don’t panic about grief, there is a way to bring hope and encouragement to difficult circumstances!

[bctt tweet=”It takes courage & bravery to stand with someone in pain – step into what’s uncomfortable. @teenlife_ngo” via=”no”]

In this episode, you’ll find out…

Some of the unique ways teenagers deal with grief.
Advice about what can be said or done to better walk alongside a teen experiencing grief.
Signs that a teen might need to seek help from a professional.
Examples of grief-producers, especially for teenagers.
How to use the acronym PERS (Physical, Emotional, Relational, Spiritual) to positively cope with grief.
Ways we as a community can surround and encourage those who are grieving.

Ask yourself…

Am I putting too much pressure on myself to do or say the perfect thing?
Could this teenager be talking to someone else if they aren’t talking to me?
Am I aware of important dates that I need to remember and recognize?

Go ask a teen…

What do you need?
What is it like for you right now? Tell me your story.
What would you like to do for holidays? How would you like to hold space?

Resources on grief you might like

Website: Wise County Christian Counseling
Mentioned by Beverly Ross:
Website: teenlifepodcast.com
Music: Under the Chandeliers

About Us

Beverly Ross

Special Guest

Chris Robey

CEO

Karlie Duke

Director of Communications

Have a question?

If you have a question about something you heard or just want to give us some feedback, please leave us a comment below. We would love to hear from you!

Do You Have “Grit”?

by Chris Robey | May 19, 2016 | Personal Development

Before I had three kids in tow, I would typically go to Colorado each summer to go hiking and hopefully summit a mountain. I would look forward to it all year, imagining what it would be like to walk along rushing mountain streams, through thick aspen thickets, on up above the tree-line to where few seldom travel. The crisp mountain air and the absence of an ever-buzzing cell phone beckoned me as I prepared for this trip.

Getting to the trailhead was always so exciting. But then, reality hit. The packs are heavy and uncomfortable. The weather is unpredictable. The air was way too thin. My lungs are far too small. The altitude made me sick. It was cold. The food stunk.

You see, I typically only think about the trailhead and the peak. All of the things in between aren’t really front of mind when considering a summit. It’s the glory I’m after, not the pain.

Recently, I’ve been introduced to a concept called “grit”. When I first heard about it, I thought it was more along the lines of resiliency. The resiliency trait focuses on a person’s ability to overcome challenges and recover well from setbacks. It’s more about keeping ones head about them as they face the normal stresses of life. It’s a crucial trait for a teenager to develop as life is full of challenges and difficulties. Those who are resilient will tend to rise above their circumstances and not give into substance abuse or anxiety.

Yet, “grit” is something that builds upon resilience. It’s more of a long-term indicator of success. “Grit” can be seen as a tendency to sustain interest and effort towards long-term goals. It is more than overcoming the challenges of life as a matter of routine. We find those with “grit” having the big picture in mind and having a plan or set of goals to get them there. They know what they want, and no setback or failure will stop them. In fact, those with “grit” would know setbacks and failures are part of the journey.

We live in a fractured world that contains a lot of uncertainty. Paths are less certain to success, so many who are young struggle to have any kind of “big picture”.

In her short TED talk on “grit” and education, Dr. Angela Duckworth talks about this factor being unique in successful individuals, no matter socioeconomic, cultural, or educational level.

What is interesting about this talk is her own admission about how little they know about building this trait. There is very little doubt this trait is a factor in success, but understanding how to create this quality remains a bit of a mystery.

Yet, as I listen to this talk as well as read more on the subject, one factor continues to pop out. The individual with “grit” has a very clear and defined idea of what the “mountain top” looks like. They have dreamed about it, studied it, and have made it a part of who they are. It is paramount to their personhood that they find their way to this goal, no matter how long or difficult.

“Grit” is about vision and motivation, and figuring out what it will take to get there. As helpers of teenagers, we need to be in the business of helping students clarify their own visions for the future and help them do what it takes to get there. Point them towards others who have “grit”. Identify the fears. Encourage them when they fail. But, never let them quit.

So, what do you think about the concept of “Grit”? Do you have it? Take this quick quiz and see what it says!

Chris Robey, Teen Lifeline’s Program Director, has worked with teens for over a decade and strives to help students see the best in themselves.

Motivation Monday: Tough Love Brings Change

by Chris Robey | Mar 21, 2016 | Events, Support Groups

We are only 2 weeks away from the 7th annual #TL5K!

If you would like to donate or help by becoming a fundraiser, visit our #TL5K site!

One of our weekly groups is a year-round group at a local adolescent drug rehab. We have been working at this facility for over four years now, and I can honestly say it can be the most rewarding or frustrating experience of my week. These are young men who are battling addictions at a very young age and are (primarily) court ordered to go through 45-60 days of rehabilitation.

There are 16 boys on the unit at all times, so you can imagine how up and down these boys can get. A few weeks back, I had to completely shut down the group because the boys were not only being disrespectful of me, but also of each other. Nothing was getting done, and it seemed like they had all decided to quit on the group before we ever got started.

I don’t have to shut groups down very often. I try to exhaust all of my options before I make the call, but when I do, I typically do so with something specific in mind:

Next time.

You see, when I have to come down hard on a group because of behavior or disrespect, I try to do so with a bigger plan in mind. While I hate to boot out a whole group of students from a week of support group that could be potentially helpful, I know the next week when we meet, things will be better.

Things will be better because when we meet again, I don’t hold anything against them. They failed to make the group happen last week. Maybe I failed as a leader. But, what is most important is how we move on. We can make it better together. I’m going to show up with the a positive attitude believing they can fix the problem.

And guess what? They always do. Anytime I’ve had to call out students on their behavior or attitude, they respond when I come back with the expectation that they will make it better and fix the problem.

We can do a great service to teenagers when we believe that they can get better. Adults have incredible power to influence students in a positive way by having hope that they can make positive and meaningful changes.

What can you communicate today to a student that will help them make meaningful change?

Chris Robey, Program Director, has worked with teens for over a decade and strives to help students see the best in themselves.

Motivation Monday: The Whole Person

by Karlie Duke | Mar 14, 2016 | Support Groups

We are only 3 weeks away from the 7th annual #TL5K!

If you would like to donate or help by becoming a fundraiser, visit our #TL5K site!

In our Teen Lifeline Support Groups, we believe that in order for a student to excel in school, at home and at life in general, we must take care of the whole person. We must nurture their emotional health, discuss their physical health and even offer an opportunity to discuss their spiritual well-being. Even in the public school system, everyone we work with agrees that having a place for spiritual discussions is necessary – it is too important to ignore!

When we have these conversations, we center it around the relationships in their lives, including a relationship with God or a higher power. The great thing is, teenagers feel that they can be honest without receiving judgement from the facilitator or the rest of the group! In some of my high school groups, I have had teenagers share that their “higher power” is music, or love, or Jesus, or Buddha. Not everyone in the group has to be on the same page or at the same stage spiritually, but as you will see from Jason Brown’s story, these discussions open a door for healing and hope.

One of my favorite group sessions to facilitate is week number four: The Whole Person. This is a great opportunity to talk about faith because we discuss relationships with people in our lives; the discussion inevitably leads to a discussion about God (or a higher power). It’s about being spiritually connected. I have found that most of the group members during this session share about a relationship with God. Some feel like He is at the center of their life, others like they are not very close. Every so often, someone describes themselves as atheist and not believing in God.

On one occasion during a group session, we were discussing The Whole Person topic and a young man in our group said he didn’t believe in God. As I typically do, I acknowledged his opinion and we continued with the discussion. The discussion progressed and the group had the opportunity to write questions about spirituality on cards and then spend time discussing and answering each other’s questions. Several of the young men asked questions about Jesus and how to know if He existed. Someone asked about God and how He could be so forgiving. There were several other questions about faith. During this discussion, it was evident that the young man who claimed to be atheist was a little uncomfortable with the discussion. He began to ask his peers a few questions and even spoke about demons. It was as if a door suddenly opened; if he believed in demons, then he could no longer deny that there wasn’t another side to the story. His peers actually called him out on this. I was able to have a great follow up discussion as the group came to a close. This young man was wrestling with faith, and he was trying to decide if God was real or if he had no hope. Through our Teen Lifeline group, a seed was planted that day and hope was shared.

Jason Brown is the Community Minister at Legacy Church of Christ. He has been leading groups with Teen Lifeline for 3 years in Birdville ISD and at TYRC.

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