5 Ways to Prevent Vicarious Trauma

5 Ways to Prevent Vicarious Trauma

What is vicarious trauma and why is it important for me?

Sometimes, you have to put yourself first.

If you’ve flown on an airplane, we all know the classic instructions from the flight attendant, “Should an emergency occur, put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others.”

It sounds harsh, but it also makes sense…if you cannot breathe, you won’t be able to help anyone! And the same is true for you and your mental health. If you are burned out, overly stressed, chronically exhausted, or experiencing your own trauma, you will be limited in the ways you can help those around you.

As we mark Suicide Prevention Month, it’s vital to remember the impact that working with at-risk teens can have on those in a supporting role.

The emotional toll of supporting teens through their darkest moments can be overwhelming, leaving us feeling drained, vulnerable, and even traumatized. This phenomenon, known as vicarious trauma or compassion fatigue, is a stark reminder of the importance of self-care. By caring for ourselves, we can better care for them.

So what is vicarious trauma?

Vicarious trauma occurs when an individual is exposed to the trauma of another person and develops the symptoms of experiencing trauma, fear, or pain themselves. It is often seen in response to repeated exposure to the traumatic circumstances that others experience.

You might be thinking…isn’t that empathy?

While empathy — the ability to relate to others’ emotions — is a good thing, it can become toxic when you start to carry others’ feelings and experiences as your own.

That is why it is so prevalent among those who support teenagers.

Listening to stories, witnessing trauma, and supporting someone during a crisis is often traumatic, especially if you have any similar trauma in your past.

Common Signs of Vicarious Trauma

While vicarious trauma can present itself in many different ways, here are some of the most common signs:
  • Emotional exhaustion: Feeling drained or emotionally numb after interactions with others.
  • Mental Symptoms: Finding it harder to focus, experiencing panic attacks, anxiety, or depression.
  • Changes in worldview: Developing a more negative or cynical outlook on life.
  • Physical symptoms: Headaches, changes in appetite, fatigue, or difficulty sleeping.
  • Intrusive thoughts: Recurrent, distressing thoughts about the experiences you hear about.

Who’s at risk for vicarious trauma?

If you are regularly interacting with teenagers or other individuals who are sharing trauma or challenges, you are at risk of vicarious trauma. And honestly, these days it is made even worse by social media and the constant flow of information from our phones.

There have been times when I have gone down a rabbit hole on a social media account of a family going through a horrible situation. I didn’t know them, but after too much time looking through their feed, I felt like I did. I can also think of situations where I met with students in need and felt a “heaviness” for days afterward.

How do I cope with vicarious trauma?

If you can identify with any of these signs or symptoms, then it is time to put on your oxygen mask. This school year, try a couple of these coping strategies to help protect yourself from vicarious trauma.

Self-Awareness

Recognize the signs of vicarious trauma early. Being aware of your emotions and physical responses can help you address the impact before it becomes overwhelming.

Set Boundaries

Create and maintain boundaries to protect your emotional well-being. This might involve limiting the amount of time you spend discussing traumatic experiences or setting aside specific times for these conversations. It could also involve getting off social media or changing who you follow.

Seek Support

Don’t hesitate to talk to colleagues, loved ones, or a therapist about what you’re experiencing. Support can be invaluable in processing your emotions.

Practice Self-Care

Engage in activities that replenish your energy and joy. Exercise, invest time in your favorite hobby, go to brunch with friends, get a massage or pedicure. Regular self-care helps counterbalance the emotional toll of the important work you are doing.

Set Realistic Goals

Understand that you can’t solve all of a teenager’s problems. Focus on what you can do and accept that some situations are beyond your control.

By acknowledging vicarious trauma and actively taking steps to cope with it, you can continue to support the teens you work with without sacrificing your own well-being.

Karlie Duke
Karlie Duke

Communications Director

More Resources You Might Like

Top Tips for Talking with Teens about Suicide and Depression
Episode 71 - Suicide Prevention & BeReal
Why Empathy Matters

8 Tips for Better Parent/Teacher Communication

8 Tips for Better Parent/Teacher Communication

My whole life I have been in or near a classroom. Both my parents are retired educators. My wife is a current educator (thoughts and prayers). A lot of my friends are educators. I am a former educator. So when I tell you I know a thing or two about teachers and education, I promise it’s not lip service.

Since I left my teaching career to come work for Teen Life, I’ve found out one thing is crystal clear:

EVERYONE IS SWAMPED AND EMOTIONS ARE HIGH.

When emotions are high, parent-teacher communication can be a minefield leading to really damaging conversations. Below are just a few reminders for teachers AND parents on communicating with each other.

This first part is for the teachers.

Teachers, I know that little Johnny has used up all his tokens of grace. I know that you are being asked to move mountains while juggling chainsaws with a smile. But hear me out.

  • REMEMBER THE SECOND BACKPACK – one of my former principals (shoutout Shannon Gauntt) used this metaphor during my career and it is perfect. Every person in that building is coming in with a metaphorical second backpack. It could range anywhere from “I didn’t sleep well last night” to “I haven’t seen my mom in a week because she works the night shift”.
  • BE A BEARER OF NOT JUST BAD NEWS – It’s really easy as a teacher to always contact parents when you’re having a behavior issue. Try to balance your conversations with good news and positive interactions as well.
  • CONSIDER THE TIMING – Some parents might be at work when you’re calling. Some may have just gotten off of a long shift. If it’s possible, it might be a good idea to set up a time when they can call you or meet with you and be at their best.
  • AVOID GETTING EMOTIONAL – This is pretty self explanatory. It’s kind of like on The Office when Roy comes after Jim. It can escalate quickly. But chances are your school does not have a Dwight Schrute in waiting with a can of mace.

Alright, let’s move on to the parents:

Parents, I know that having these conversations is hard, but here are a few tips for successfully navigating difficult conversations.

  • REMEMBER TEACHERS HAVE BACKPACKS TOO – These last couple of years have thrown everyone into a learning curve they don’t want to be on. Remember to communicate with patience and understanding.
  • THERE ARE ALWAYS TWO SIDES – I have experienced this as a parent and a teacher. Johnny may be giving you correct information but it may not be the full scope of the situation. Before you jump to send a scathing email to the administrators, sometimes a simple phone call or email to the teacher can give you perspective on the incident.
  • BE OPEN TO LISTEN – The teacher is with your student more during the day than you and chances are they have a good idea of what they need. It may be hard to hear problematic behaviors about your student but I promise the teachers want what is best for everyone.
  • AVOID GETTING EMOTIONAL – Same as the teachers. No one wants to see the Hulk in these scenarios. Everyone is better off talking to Dr. Banner.

This obviously will not fix every parent-teacher interaction but it’s a good starting point.

Most importantly, remember that life is already challenging enough for our teens. Teachers and parents should be the first line of support for them.

If you model good communication with each other, it will help drive their success in school and the future.

 

For more from Teen Life on School Communication, listen to episode 21 of the Teen Life Podcast: School Communication & Acronyms or episode 39: Athletics & Monetization of YouTube (coming January 25).

Tobin Hodges

Tobin Hodges

Program Director

Tobin graduated with a Bachelors of Music from Texas Tech University. A teacher’s kid twice over, he taught for 13 years before coming to Teen Life. His entire career has been centered around helping students and teens from all walks of life become the best version of themselves

Ep. 21: School Communication & Acronyms

Ep. 21: School Communication & Acronyms

 Listen & Subscribe

 

Summary:
Back to school is its own learning curve. Every. Single. Time. Catch this week’s episode for tips on how to improve communication between teachers and parents and how to make the most of those relationships! We’ll also translate some of the top acronyms teens are using and give you insight into why some teens might seem rude when they’re really suffering from anxiety.

In this episode, we mentioned the following resources:

Have a question? If you have a question about something you heard or just want to give us some feedback, please leave us a comment below.  We would love to hear from you!
About Us:
Chris Robey

Chris Robey

CEO

Chris has worked with teens from a variety of backgrounds for over a decade. He has a desire to help teenagers make good choices while also giving their families tools to communicate more effectively as choices are made.
Karlie Duke

Karlie Duke

Director of Communications

Karlie was in one of Teen Life’s original support groups and now is passionate about encouraging students to live better stories. She has gained experience working with teenagers through work, volunteer, and personal opportunities.

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5 Ways to Connect with a Teen

5 Ways to Connect with a Teen

In my Teen Life Support Group last semester, I had a student who seemingly did not want to be there. She refused to talk. She crossed her arms. She kept her head down. After the first week, we talked to her and said that she didn’t have to talk but needed to participate as a member of the group. She reluctantly did the activities, but still never spoke a word.

A few weeks later, another student asked about my family. I explained that my parents live in Alabama, and I don’t see them very often because of the distance. Immediately, my standoffish student spoke. “Wait, you’re from Alabama? Me too.” In that moment, we had created a connection.

Connection. It sounds so easy, right? But how often do we strive to achieve it and come up short? Sometimes, finding a commonality is like finding a needle in a haystack. Some days I wonder if I have anything at all in common with the teens I’m with. Some days I wonder if they even want to connect with me at all.

In their book, The Connected Child, Dr. Karyn Purvis, Dr. David Cross, and Wendy Sunshine walk through a series of connecting principals to help us as parents, teachers, youth ministers, or friends of young people who are struggling and yet seem to reject our help. In order to connect, we have to engage with students. Here are five of their strategies:

 

  1. Behavioral Matching: Reflect your student’s behavior or physical position. This increases their ability to feel safe. It’s less complicated than it seems. When my daughter wants to talk at night, I lay down next her instead of standing over her.  If my smaller child wants to play with cars on the floor, I sit on the floor as well. Find the natural comfort behavior for your teen and match it without even mentioning it.

 

  1. Playful Engagement: Be playful in your conversations. We adults often want to get to the point, address the problem, and fix it. But they often need us to break the ice. We do that by showing that we can have fun. When my teen doesn’t want to do something they deem embarrassing, I do it first. If they are frustrated, say “Whoa? I didn’t know you were the boss!” Let them know they are safe even in disagreements. You can have a deeper conversation once there is more connection.

 

  1. Create Eye ContactWe live in a world where students don’t look at each other. They look at screens. But the eyes are powerful.  Look your students in the eyes and they will know they are cared for. As parents, how often do we yell down the hall or up the stairs. How would things change if we spent more time looking in our teenagers’ eyes?

 

  1. Share Healthy Touch: Give a hug. Pat them on the back. Hold their hand. Play with their hair. If you aren’t sure if it’s ok, ask permission. Students often want to know you care, and you don’t have to use words to show up.

 

  1. Be aware of your tone of voiceAre you loud? Are you frustrated? Are you talking quickly or slowly? Do you even know? You can start and end a conversation just by using your tone. You also can be authoritative without being demeaning or unkind.

 

Connecting through engagement is hard, but as Dr. Karyn Purvis says, “When you connect to the heart of a child, everything is possible.”

My student from Alabama? After she learned we were from the same place, everything shifted. That tiny connection was all it took to help make our group safe for her. She was able to talk through some significant things happening at her home all because of connection.  

A week after group ended, the interventionist stopped me in the hall.  She raved about how this girl was totally different than she was 8 weeks before. What a powerful lesson about the potential power that can be unleashed with just a little connection!

 

Beth Nichols

Beth Nichols

Program Director

With her background in social work and experience as a mom of 4, Beth’s perspective is invaluable. She has had the opportunity in both her personal and professional life to encounter youth from a variety of situations.

The Place Where No-One is Turned Away

The Place Where No-One is Turned Away

Working for Teen Life the past seven years has afforded me the opportunity to walk the halls of many schools across our area. Every campus has a look and feel – even a smell! Some come equipped with the latest technology and new carpet while others seem to barely keep the lights on. These campuses are the epicenter of everything – education, culture, social life, development, relationships – all of it. Think about it – in our ever-fracturing society where everything is done online, the public school is the one place where ideas are exchanged and problems are solved – face to face.

What used to be done in houses of worship and other public spaces can really only be found in public schools. And the reason for this is why I am endlessly fascinated with public schools especially – there is no requirement for entry. Public schools have no financial, educational, socio-ethnic, or religious requirement for entry. Simply put – if you live within a certain boundary of a public school – you can go and learn!

To me it is kind of like our national park system. A long time ago, our nation’s leaders decided to reserve wide swaths of land, preventing anyone from exploiting or taking advantage of its natural resources. This would be a public space for all to enjoy nature without barriers to entry (save a daily fee, I guess).

You get to see nature in it’s most preserved state and know that you won’t see a shopping strip or oil rig. It will never be exploited for profit, and nature can just be enjoyed – by everyone.

Public schools in this way have to take everyone who passes through their doors. They have to accommodate all levels of learning and manage classrooms that are ever diversifying. Walking through the hallways and watching how the women and men work with their students is really a beautiful thing to watch.

For many students, the public school might be the only safe place they experience. For some, it is a shelter from abuse. For others, it represents a hot meal and badly needed resources. For others, access to compassionate adults who can advocate on their behalf.

This is a time of year where we shift back to the ebb and flow of the school day and calendar. Even those who do not have kids in school feel the effects of this time of year. We at Teen Life are so excited to start another year helping students on public school campuses across our area, and nationwide! Within the next few weeks across our nation, students head back to the classroom and our educators get back to work. Let us be looking for ways to support those who serve any and every student who come their way. It is a calling unlike any other.

Pray for our educators. Check in with them. Ask what they need. Provide it if you can. Support them. Advocate on their behalf.

School is back! Let’s lean into our local schools and make this year the best one possible!

Chris Robey, Teen Life’s CEO, has worked with teens for over a decade and strives to help students see the best in themselves.